


Paving The Runway

by maxiemoo01



Series: Misguided Series [2]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Human, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blood, Bullying, Car Accidents, Child Abuse, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Foster Care, He comes around later, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, Knife Violence, Knives, Logic | Logan Sanders Angst, Logic | Logan Sanders Has Terrible Parents, Logic | Logan Sanders Needs a Hug, M/M, Minor Character Death, Morality | Patton Sanders Needs a Hug, Morality | Patton Sanders is a Good Friend, Neglect, Nightmares, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Sad Logic | Logan Sanders, Selectively mute Morality | Patton Sanders, Self-Harm, Slow Burn, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Sympathetic Logic | Logan Sanders, Tags Are Hard, Trans Male Character, Trans Morality | Patton Sanders, Unsympathetic Logic | Logan Sanders, improper binding, kicked out
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-09
Updated: 2020-07-13
Packaged: 2021-03-03 23:47:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 17
Words: 32,809
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24634078
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maxiemoo01/pseuds/maxiemoo01
Summary: Logan has just moved halfway across the country, he doesnt want, or need friends, but the blue eyed boy in his class seems to think otherwisePart 2 in the Misguided series but can be read as a standalone!
Relationships: Logic | Logan Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders
Series: Misguided Series [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1780873
Comments: 195
Kudos: 116





	1. Simple and good

Logan liked normality, he did everything a certain way, and while his parents were emotionally detached from him they followed that normality for him, he woke up at 6:45, he spent the next fifteen minutes getting ready for the day, at 7 he ate breakfast, 7:20 he made sure he had all of his homework and books in his school bag, and then he left for school at 7:40.

Today was different, Logan woke up late, and that meant everything was late, and instead of being early to school he was just barely on time, he barely had time to find his new locker, barely had time to look at his class schedule before he was lost in the sea of kids in the hallway, he was already stressed enough being in a new town with a new school, so having his normal routine thrown off was, well he didn't know how to deal with it, he walked into his classroom, looking around, he usually sat in the front of the class but today he wasn't sure he could handle it, he looked around the class and found the only other open seat.

The boy sitting next to the seat was, well he was something, he was wearing a bright blue sweater with a white button up underneath, Logan thought about how that couldn't be comfortable in the florida heat but shook it from his head as he headed to sit next to him, his hair was a burgundy color, his cheeks covered in freckles, he shook himself out of his trance, it was rude to stare, he sighed and started to get settled next to the boy. 

Patton was in his own little world when the boy sat next to him, when he heard the shuffling of a bag he looked next to him and smiled at the dark haired boy, he turned to face him and held his hand out. "Hi there! I'm Patton!" He said excitedly, the boy just looked at him for a moment, looking down at his hand. 

"Logan." He said, pulling his book out of his bag and sitting it on his desk. God he hoped this kid didn't bother him. 

Patton slowly lowered his hand before looking the boy up and down, he was dressed nicely, a nice black polo and jeans, Patton took him in for a moment, noting how pretty his brown eyes were before he tore his eyes away from Logan, looking up as the teacher came into the room.

Pattons notes always looked like they were a mess, but everything was color coded with his sparkling gel pens, he glanced over to see Logan making notes, his were neat and in straight lines, and Patton took note of how neat everything about Logan was. 

When the bell rang Patton shoved everything in his bag before looking at Logan who was putting his things back in a very specific order. "What class do you have next?" Patton asked, pulling his bag over his shoulder, Logan gave him a look. 

"History." He said, voice firm. "I don't know why you're talking to me." Logan said, pulling his bag over his shoulder and walking out of the room, Patton rushed to follow him and walk next to him. 

"Because you're new! And you could clearly use a friend." Patton was a full head shorter than him, so it was kind of hard to keep up with him, his small legs kind of aching as he tried to keep up with Logan's pace. 

"I don't do friends." Logan looked down at the small boy following him. "And I don't need them either." He said, trying to ignore Patton following him. "Shouldn't you be getting to your own class?" He finally asked, voice sharp, Patton seemed to slightly deflate at the harshness of his voice but he couldn't find it in him to care. 

"Actually uh. We have the same class." Patton said, rubbing the back of his neck as they entered the classroom, Logan looked at Patton again before walking off to sit in the front of the class, Patton seemed to not get the hint as he sat next to Logan. 

"Can I see your class schedule?" Patton asked, Logan sighed and reluctantly pulled it out of his pocket, passing it to Patton, Logans was nicely folded and Pattons was a crumpled mess, Patton spread them out of his desk as Logan retrieved his things. "Well lucky for you we have the same schedule!" The fifteen year old gave Logan a bright smile. 

"Yeah lucky me." Logan snapped, grabbing his schedule back from Patton and neatly folding it before sliding it in his pocket again. "I'd like it if you just left me alone, I don't need a friend." Patton looked at Logan, pouting slightly. 

"Everyone needs a friend Logan." Patton said, leaning over to pull his things out of his bag. "Besides! I can show you around town and stuff, you just moved here right? I've lived here my whole life so I can show you all the cool places!" Logan pushed his glasses up his face, staring at Patton. 

"You can show me around the school, but we aren't friends." Logan said, sitting up straighter as the teacher entered the room.

  
  


***

  
  


When Logan arrived home he went to his room to work on his schoolwork, like he did everyday, he sat at his desk and pulled out his notes and the worksheets they had been given, as well as his list of book pages to read, and he went to work.

He tried to ignore the thoughts that kept floating through his head about the blue eyed boy in his classes, he was annoying, so there was no reason Logan should actually like him, but he had found throughout the day he enjoyed his company more and more. 

He would never admit that though, he didn't do emotions, his parents never showed him any emotion and so he intended to keep himself from being hurt by anyone by shutting himself off to anyone and everyone, especially since his life had just been uprooted and he had been moved across the country.

He sighed running a hand through his hair, this boy was dangerous, and he intended to push the boy as far away as he could, however he didn't seem to listen when Logan told him he didn't need a friend. 

  
  


***

  
  


Patton sighed as he laid on his beat up bed, staring at the cracked ceiling, he couldn't stop thinking about the dark haired boy he met that day, there was something about him that Patton couldn't quite put his finger on but it was drawing him to him, he wanted nothing more than to befriend the boy, even though he kept trying to push him away.

He seemed kind of sad, even if he tried his best to hide his emotions, and Patton knew what it felt like to be lonely and sad, so he wanted to make sure he knew he wasn't alone. 

Patton sighed, maybe he was being dumb but he just wanted to help Logan by being his friend. 

He heard the front door open and sat up from his bed, he had lost track of time, he quickly ran to his dresser, pulling off his sweater and button up and pulling on a tshirt, shoving the articles of clothing under his bed just in time for his uncle to open the door. 

"What are you doing in here?" He growled, Patton took a shaky breath. 

"I was just about to start on my schoolwork." He said softly, voice shaking, his uncle scoffed at him. 

"Schools a load of bullshit." He said before slamming Patton's door and leaving, Patton let out a sigh, grabbing his school bag and pulling out his work, he silently wished his parents were still here, then he wouldn't be stuck with his uncle.

Well one could wish.


	2. Cant see through the tears in your eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Patton gets hurt, Logan tries to ignore his feelings

Sitting next to Patton the next day Logan took in his outfit, it was just as warm as the day before. "How are you not burning up in that outfit?" Logan asked, looking at the sweater Patton was wearing, it was huge and hung off him, almost like it wasn't his own. 

"Ah well I get cold easily so I wear sweaters!" Patton lifted his hands that were covered with the end of the sleeves of his sweater, flopping them around a bit. 

"Ah I… Guess that makes sense." Logan pushed his glasses up and adjusted the items on his desk. He wasn't sure why Patton continued to speak to him or why he was even interested in him. 

As they walked to their second class Patton was grabbed by his sweater and shoved against a locker, Patton let out a loud gasp as his back hit the lockers. "What are you doing dyke?" The kid growled in his face, causing Patton to flinch. "Aw cat got your tongue? I thought you liked it being there?" Patton tried to shove the guy away, and Logan took a deep breath, he knew he was strong, he didn't like to use it but he knew he needed to step in. 

He put a hand on the guy's shoulder. "I'd appreciate it if you let him go." Logan said, staring down the bully who just laughed at him. 

"Him?" Logan didn't wait for the rest of his sentence before he grabbed the bully, pulling him off of Patton and pushing him to the ground. 

"I told you to let him go." Logan said simply, before grabbing Patton's hand and pulling him away, heading to their next class. He let go of his hand once they reached the class, clearing his throat. "That wasn't acceptable, I apologize for him harassing you." He looked away and headed to his seat.

Patton followed, and the excited blue eyed boy seemed to be much more quiet as he sat down and pulled his things out, Logan looked over at him, and considered saying something to him but decided against it, he wasn't even friends with Patton so why should he even care?

The teacher entered the room and instead of Patton parking up just he usually did he kept his eyes on his paper. 

  
  


***

  
  


For the rest of the day Patton was subdued, he wasn't nearly as excited or talkative as he had been the day before, Logan wasn't sure he should care, he actually was pretty sure he shouldn't, but he did, finally speaking up as they got ready to leave their last class of the day. "Are you okay?" He finally asked, causing Patton to stop in his tracks. 

"Oh yeah I'm… I'm fine." Patton said, pulling his backpack strap tighter. "It's nothing to worry about, those kids just get to me sometimes." Patton shrugged, and didn't say anything else as he rushed out of the classroom, he was quite strange, Logan thought, as he followed after him at a slower pace. 

When he arrived home for the day he went straight to his room, following his normal routine, this time though he couldn't get the pair of striking blue eyes out of his mind, he had looked so dejected after the bully had attacked him, and why did he sound so confused with Logan calling Patton by male pronouns? That was what Patton went by right?

Logan sighed and ran a hand through his hair, this boy shouldnt be taking over his life like he was, and even though he was putting up walls he felt like Patton was already pulling them down. 

  
  


***

  
  


Patton hissed as he pulled the ace bandages from around his chest, he wrapped them up and stored them under his bed with the rest of his "male" clothing, he pulled on his tshirt and laid back on his bed, putting his hands above his head and taking a few deep breaths, he couldn't deny the ache in his ribs as he did but he wasn't gonna stop, he couldn't deal with his chest, and he definitely didn't want to give the bullies anymore ammo to use against him. 

He sat up, grabbing his school bag, his mind wandered to Logan as he worked on the worksheet they had been given, he was pretty closed off, and Patton wasn't sure why he kept pushing him, but he knew that Logan needed someone, he may not know it yet but he did. 

Patton jumped as he heard the front door open and slam shut, he was mad, fuck. He quickly put his things away and stood, preparing himself for the worst when his door was slammed open. "Get your ass in here." His uncle growled at him, Patton held back tears as he walked over to his uncle who grabbed his arm tightly and pulled him to his bedroom, Patton finally let the tears silently slide down his cheeks as he was tossed on the bed roughly, he watched as he uncle undid his belt and held it up, Patton braced himself for the hit that landed on his back moments later, he held back a yelp as it continued, he wasn't sure how long he laid there and was beat, he wasn't sure how long his back had been bleeding but eventually his uncle tired himself out and barked at him to leave the room. 

He quickly stood grabbing his shirt and then rushing to his bedroom, he brushed the tears from his cheeks as he settled down on his bed, looking down at his legs, his entire body was on fire, he felt disgusting and he was in pain, he whimpered as he grabbed his bag and tried to distract himself with work, sleeping wasn't gonna be easy tonight.

  
  


***

  
  


Patton was limping, Logan noticed as soon as he saw the boy, he was in another oversized sweater, this one bright blue with a cat face in the center, and the button up was back, underneath the shirt. 

Logan watched him wince as he sat down and frowned slightly, he didn't question it though, he had told himself he would stop caring for the boy so he ignored it, ignored the way that the whole class whenever Patton adjusted in his seat he let out a sharp gasp. 

He ignored him until they were walking down the hall and the same guy grabbed him and shoved him against the lockers again, this time instead of the small gasp he had let out the day before Patton yelled out in pain and collapsed on the ground, the bully quickly stepped away, clearly having not expected that reaction and quickly ran off. Logan knelt in front of him, putting his hand gently on his back and pulling it away as he saw red, the blood was soaking through the back of Patton's shirts. "We need to get you to the nurse." Logan said quickly, helping Patton stand.

"No!" Patton said, pulling away from Logan. "I mean… I'm fine!" He said, Logan shook his head. 

"No you aren't, you're bleeding quite badly… If you won't let me take you to the nurse will you at least accompany me to the restroom, I have a first aid kit and can check on your wounds." Patton shifted slightly on his feet before sighing and agreeing, they headed into the men's room and into a stall, Patton kept looking around anxiously, and Logan wasn't sure why. "Can you take your shirts off for me?" Logan asked, Patton froze. 

"Um." He looked down at the floor, taking a deep breath before he did, lifting the sweater Logan got a better look at all the blood through Patton's white button up, he blinked in surprise when Patton pulled it off and he noticed the ace bandages around his chest. 

"Ace bandages aren't meant for your chest Patton." He said simply, taking in the damage to his back, there were wounds all over, as well as plenty of scars, Logan just stared for a moment before he looked at Patton. "Is someone hurting you?" He asked, causing Patton to chuckle. 

"Nah silly I'm just clumsy." Logan raised an eyebrow but didn't comment on the blatant lie, pulling his first aid kit out of his bag and cleaning the wounds before he put a few bandaids over the particularly bad cuts. "You should take those off." Logan commented as he stepped away to put his first aid kit away. 

"What?"

"The bandages, they're constricting your breathing and pushing your ribs in, it isn't healthy to wear them like that." Patton stared at Logan for a minute before he looked down. 

"I have to." He said softly, pulling his shirt back on and buttoning it up.

"Why? It is only harming you." Logan said, pulling his bag over his shoulder. 

"Listen, don't worry about it okay?" Patton said, grabbing his bag as well. "I'm fine." Patton said, looking at Logan, his face showed he was upset for being so harsh, and Logan could tell he didn't want to be, he was hiding something, just another reason for Logan to distance himself from the boy. He simply nodded at Patton before he left the restroom, heading to his class that he was somewhat late for now, he found he didn't quite mind being a few moments late though, not when it came to helping Patton. 

He pushed that thought away quickly, he wasn't gonna make friends, especially not with someone like Patton, he was too happy for Logan. 

He sighed as he settled into his seat, he waited, but Patton didn't show up for this class.

Something was definitely wrong with him, and as much as Logan tried to force it out of his head he gave in with a sigh and decided he was gonna talk to him, he still didn't like him though, he told himself, this is purely for my own sake, and after that I'll ignore his advances. After class he headed to their next class he ran a hand through his hair, Patton was in the class, sitting in his seat, Logan slid next to him, looking at the boy who was staring down at his colorful pens.

Logan stalled for time by adjusting his things and then looked at Patton. "I know that I'm not very good with… Feelings, but I can tell you're upset, if you wish to talk about it I will listen, but I will leave you alone now if you decide not." Patton ran a hand through his hair, it reached just below his ears and was clearly in the middle of that "I had short hair now it's weirdly grown out" stage, Logan took note of the color of it again, it was a beautiful color. 

"I…" Patton looked back down at his pens, adjusting one of them slightly. "Can we talk after school?" Patton looked over at Logan who nodded. 

"Of course." He said, unsure why he agreed to it, but here he was, being nice to the kid he was trying to get to leave him alone.

He wasn't sure what he was doing, but he was sure he would regret it later.


	3. If ever your wings...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Patton and Logan talk, Logan makes a bad decision

Logan was changing his routine, he wasn't sure why he was. 

He sat outside the school with Patton, noticing that he wasn't sitting with his back to the wall like Logan was. "So." Logan said, looking down at his hands where he was picking at his nails. 

Patton sighed and ran a hand through his hair, Logan was starting to notice he did that when he was upset. "I'm… Do you know what transgender is?" Logan adjusted his glasses, a habit he knew he did when he was nervous. 

"Yes, a person whose sense of personal identity and gender does not correspond with their birth sex, why are you asking this Patton?" Logan looked at Patton, who seemed uncomfortable.

"Because… I'm trans Logan, it's why everyone bullies me." Patton sighed. "Because I was born female and try my best to present male, it's kind of hard when my uncle isn't very accepting but… I try my best at school." Logan nodded. 

"That's why the bully yesterday was so shocked when I used male pronouns for you." Patton nodded. 

"Most people don't, there are some people who do, like most of the teachers do, but… The other people just attack me for it." Logans eyebrows furrowed and he looked at Patton. 

"Well rest assured I will continue to use the correct ones, you don't deserve to be treated as less than others just because you are different to everyone else." Logan adjusted his glasses again and watched as Patton pushed up his huge round glasses. 

"Thank you Logan." Patton said, looking down at the ground. 

"What about your back?" Logan asked, watching as Patton tensed. 

"I uh." Patton took a shaky breath. "You can't tell anyone okay?" Logan nodded. "My uncle, he… Well he hurts me, a lot. He hurt my back pretty bad last night, when Jason shoved me against the locker I guess the wounds opened back up from last night…", Patton looked down at his lap. "I should head home." Patton put his hands on the concrete and pushed himself up to stand. 

"I should be as well." Logan stood, brushing off his pants, Patton looked at him and debated saying something but finally shut his mouth, turning and walking off.

Logan watched after him, shaking his head before heading back to his own home, emotions were not something he was well versed in, his parents barely showed him affection as a kid, and barely showed emotion to him other than their anger toward each other. 

Logan sighed as he walked through the front door, the house was empty, as per usual, he headed up to his bedroom, but this time he didn't go straight to his desk, he sat down on his bed, looking at the ceiling, why was he feeling the way he did about Patton? He wanted to push the boy away, but at the same time he wanted to be his friend, he actually enjoyed speaking with the excited boy, but, he was hurting, Logan thought about that for a moment, even though Patton was in pain, even though Patton was being hurt by his uncle, he still was trying his best to be friendly to Logan, to give him someone to talk to.

Logan wasn't sure how he felt about that, he sighed and adjusted his glasses, feelings, he didn't like them, he never had. 

He sighed and went to his desk, he would distract himself with his work, he didn't need feelings and he certainly didn't need a friend.

  
  


***

  
  


Patton winced as he took off his bandages, maybe Logan was right and he should stop wearing them, but the alternative was getting bullied for not hiding his chest, he sighed as he hid all his things again, pulling on a tshirt, the tshirts were his go to, they weren't too manly or too girly, they seemed to be something his uncle approved of him being in. 

He sat on his bed, thinking over his conversation with Logan, maybe he shouldn't have told him about his uncle, he didn't have anywhere else to go if his uncle got in trouble, he would be put into the foster system and he wasn't sure he could handle that.

The front door slammed open and Patton jumped, he heard shouting, great, his uncle's girlfriend was here, she wasn't a bad person, she was actually pretty nice to Patton, but she was dating his uncle, and they fought constantly, his uncle even hit her, but for some reason she stayed. 

He heard the telltale sound of her being slapped before he heard a door slam, then he heard quiet footsteps to his room. 

The door opened, and Patton was face to face with Jessica, his uncle's girlfriend. "Hey kid." She said, her voice was horse and there was a red welp on her cheek. 

"Hey." Patton said softly, looking down at his dirty bed sheets. 

"How was school girl?" She asked, sitting down on the bed, Patton wasn't sure why she was so nice to him. 

"It was fine." He said, shrugging and trying his best not to flinch as he stretched the cuts on his back. 

"Come on Patricia we both know that's not true." Patton tried his best not to flinch at the use of his old name, he knew that Jessica would be supportive but he couldn't trust her not to tell his uncle. 

"I'm just dealing with bullies, really it's fine, I'm fine, I have a new friend so, I'll be okay." She nodded and put a hand on his knee. 

"Well if you ever wanna talk about it you can talk to me okay?" Patton gave her a small smile. 

"Thanks Jess." He said. "I better get started on my schoolwork." She nodded and stood, ruffling his hair before she left him be. 

He wrapped his arms around himself, this wasn't right, he wasn't right, he sighed, running a hand through his hair, why did his parents have to leave that night? Why did they have to die in that stupid car crash? Why did they have to leave him with his disgusting uncle, they would've been so supportive of him, he knew they would, but instead he was stuck with his uncle, his uncle who hurt him almost daily. 

He sighed and grabbed his bag, he needed a distraction, and what better a distraction than schoolwork. 

  
  


***

  
  


_ Patton placed the living room, he was only 12 and his parents weren't supposed to be gone for long, they just had to run to the store, they said they would be back in ten minutes.  _

_ Instead it had been two hours, and Patton was starting to cry, where were they? Had they left him? Did they not love him anymore? Surely not, maybe they ran into a friend, maybe there was a long line, maybe there was traffic. He took a shaky breath, they were fine, surely they were fine. _

_ There was a knock at the door and Patton jumped, he slowly walked over to it, he wasn't supposed to open the door for strangers, but when he peeked through the window there was a police officer standing there, he debated for a moment before finally opening the door, the cop seemed shocked and knelt down to meet Patton's height.  _

_ "Hey there, I'm officer Kai, is there an adult home?" Patton looked up at him, shaking his head.  _

_ "My mom and dad went out to the store, they said they'd be right back." The officer looked guilty as he realized what situation he was in.  _

_ "Well can you come with me?" Patton quickly shook his head.  _

_ "I'm not supposed to go anywhere with strangers." He said, the officer made a face, before he gave Patton a smile.  _

_ "Can I come in?" Patton looked at him for a moment before nodding, he was a police officer and surely his parents wouldn't be mad at him for that.  _

_ The officer walked into the house, looking around for a moment before he excused himself to step away for a moment, Patton heard him asking his walkie talkie about his family, was there something wrong? _

_ The officer came back, and knelt in front of Patton again. "Your uncle is gonna come get you, you're gonna be staying with him for a while." _

_ "Why?" Patton asked, not expecting the answer he received.  _

_ "I hate to tell you, but your parents, they had a bad car crash, they didn't make it. I'm so sorry kid." Pattons world came crashing down around him in that moment.  _

_ He didn't know exactly how, but he ended up on the floor, hands over his head, tears streaming down his cheeks and the officer trying to calm him down. _

_ His parents couldn't be dead, they just couldn't, they couldn't leave him here, they couldn't leave him alone like this. _

_ He never got to tell them, he never told them he wasn't a girl, he was going to when they got home, they died not knowing who he really was, tears were pouring down his cheeks.  _

_ He didn't get to tell him he loved them one last time, did they know he loved them?  _

_ Did they know they meant everything to him? _

  
  


***

  
  


The next day Logan wasn't talking, Patton noted, he tried to talk to him the entire day but Logan just ignored him, at the end of the day Patton caught up to him in the hallway. "Are you ignoring me?" He asked, voice soft. 

"I'm not your friend Patton." Logan said, gripping his backpack strap. 

"But after yesterday I thought…"

"You thought wrong. I don't need friends, I detest them, I just gave an ear for you because you were upset, that is all." Logan's face was straight as ever, and Patton felt like he was gonna cry. 

"But…"

"But nothing." Logan said harshly. "We are not friends Patton, end of discussion." Logan picked up the pace, and walked out of the building, leaving Patton staring after him with a confused face.

He thought after the day before they were making progress, but here he wasn't, spilling his heart out to someone who didn't even care. He should've expected it, he ran a hand through his hair as he headed home.

  
  


***

  
  


Logan was sat on his bathroom floor, the thoughts running through his head were not uncommon for him, however he had never acted on them, but he was considering it now, maybe it would feel nice to feel something other than the constant numbness in his chest, he finally stood, he had made up his mind, it was a bad idea but he wasn't thinking about that at the moment. 

He walked to his room, pulling his pencil case out and pulling out one of his many pencil sharpeners, it took a bit of work but he eventually got the blade out and went back to the bathroom, he debated on where he was gonna do it, his wrist would be too obvious, especially if he wore long sleeves to hide it, he settled on his thighs for now, shimmying his jeans down and sitting on the edge of the bathtub.

He fiddled with the sharp blade for a moment before pressing it to his thigh, he took in a deep breath before pulling it across, it stung, and his eyes filled with tears at the feeling, however once he started he couldn't stop, he counted each one he did in his head, eventually he was staring down at his bloody thigh, far too many cuts in it, he looked at the blood on his hand and the blade and shook his head, his thigh stung as he slipped his jeans fully off and stuck his leg under the faucet, running the water over his thigh to clean off the blood, when he was done cleaning off the blood he cleaned off the blade and his hands, pulling his Jean's back on and wincing slightly at the feeling of them rubbing against the cuts.

However he wasn't wrong, he felt something other than the numbness, his thigh was stinging, and it reminded him with every move he made that he could feel pain, that he could take control of his feelings. 

He hid the blade under one of the pencil holders on his desk, it was a bad idea, and as he thought back to it he knew that it was, however it had felt good, it felt nice to have some control over something in his life for once.


	4. ... Are tired and broken things

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Logan helps Patton with school, Logan and Patton have a heart to heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for not doing this before but I'm gonna start doing this now! 
> 
> CW: self harm, the scene starts with the sentence "No, he couldn't let Patton get close to him" and ends at the next time skip incase anyone needs to skip that scene!

It had been two weeks and Patton still hadn't given up trying to be Logan's friend. 

Logan was getting sick of it, he was mean as he could be to the boy and he never quit, he told him he didn't want to be his friend just about everyday and Patton would not give up. 

He was walking out of the school, with Patton close on his heel. "Hey Logan!" He said, causing Logan to sigh. 

"I've told you we aren't friends. Leave me alone already." Patton looked like he was gonna cry at Logan's harshness, Logan couldn't find it in him to care. 

"I was just gonna ask for your help with the homework…" Patron looked down at the floor and Logan sighed. 

"We aren't friends. Why would you come to me for help?" Logan looked down at the boy who sighed. 

"Because you're smart! I just need some help with math, please?" Logan sighed, adjusting his glasses. 

"I guess you can come over and I will assist you in the math homework." Patton brightened up at that. 

"Thanks Logan!" He said cheerily, Logan sighed as he walked out of the building, and instead of parting ways Patton began to follow him. 

This was gonna be a long afternoon.

  
  


***

  
  


Pattons eyes widened as he walked into Logan's house, it was huge, and nice, much nicer than the run down house that he lived in. "Wow." He said softly, pushing his round glasses up his face. "Your house is amazing Logan!" Logan shrugged, kicking his shoes off and neatly sitting them by the door, he watched as Patton kicked him off and left them in a pile beside his. 

"It's nothing special." Logan said, leading Patton up the stairs to his room, trying to ignore the slight sting in his thigh as he walked the steps. Logan sat at his desk, pulling out his things and looking over as Patton sat on the floor beside him, pulling his things out, while Logan's things were neat and tidy Pattons were a mess, his papers were crumpled and wrinkled, his notes made no sense to Logan and his notebook was slightly bent, Logan ignored the urge in him to fix everything of Pattons. 

"So what are you having trouble with?" Logan asked, pulling out their math homework. 

"Um… Everything?" Patton admitted, looking down at the floor with a blush on his freckled cheeks. Logan sighed, it really was going to be a long afternoon. 

  
  


***

  
  


It was dark by the time they were done, Patton finally understanding the things they had been learning in class, Logan tried to convince him to stay until his parents got home but Patton shrugged him off. 

"Ita fine Logi! I've walked home in the dark before, I'll get home fine." Logan ran a hand through his hair, he wasn't sure why he cared but he did, he decided to drop it though. 

"Fine, if you wish to be so reckless I'll let you." Patton shrugged at that and headed out the door. 

"Thanks for the help!" Patton said before he walked out of the door and started home. 

As he did he began to get anxious, he hadn't thought about it but his uncle was definitely home now, and he was still dressed in the way his uncle didn't like him to dress, all he could hope was that he had gotten drunk and passed out like he did some nights. 

Patton opened the door to his home as quietly as he could, it seemed his uncle wasn't in the living room so he quietly shut the front door and went to his room, rushing to change and hide his things, he sat on his bed, taking a deep breath, his ribs hurt from wearing the bandages longer than he usually did, but he was kind of happy, Logan was still snappy toward him but he felt like they were making some sort of progress, plus Patton had no one else to talk to, so even if Logan was gonna ignore him at least he had someone to blabber to. 

He heard the front door open and shut, and then the quiet footsteps of Jessica, he then heard her enter his uncle's room, he closed his eyes, groaning and grabbing his school bag, using his work to distract him from the noises from the other room. 

He was just thankful his uncle was distracted, he was getting more and more violent and Patton wasn't sure how much longer he could deal with it, it was getting excessive and he was starting to get scared of what he could do to him if he really wanted to.

Patton just did his best to drown out the noises and ignore the thought racing through his head about how much he could hurt him.

  
  


***

  
  


The next day at school Logan was back to ignoring Patton, he wasn't trying to upset the shorter boy but he was trying to keep his walls up, if he got too close to Patton it would be bad news for him, especially if his father decided to uproot their whole family again and move them for his work. 

No, he couldn't let Patton get close to him. 

Logan was sitting on the bathtub again, the house was silent, as it usually was, his parents were almost never home, Logan wasn't sure of the last time they had dinner together, or even were all in the same room, he pushed that thought out of his mind with the task at hand.

He was running out of space on his thighs, he sighed and glanced at his wrist, should he? He would have to start wearing long sleeves but, maybe it would be fine, no one would notice right? He took a deep breath and pressed the blade to his wrist, flinching as he pulled it across, there was more blood from his wrist than his thighs, he took a deep breath and did it just once more before deciding he was bleeding far too much to keep going, he put his wrist under water, letting it wash away the blood, he hissed as the water hit it, but he didn't complain. 

He was taking control of his feelings, he could make himself feel pain whenever he wanted and wasn't that enough? Wasn't that something he should be in control of? He wasn't sure, he was sure though, as he headed back to his room, that the burn of his wrist was harsher than the burn from his thighs, and that made him feel even better, that made him feel like he had even more control now.

He pulled on a cardigan just in the off chance his parents returned home before he went to bed, and headed down the stairs to get himself dinner, his wrist stung the whole time, and Logan found it didn't bother him as much as it should have.

  
  


***

  
  


Patton was on the ground, tears were pouring down his cheeks and he was kicked yet again, his ribs were aching, he had already put them through hell with the bandages but here his uncle was kicking them, he knew he was gonna be sore, he shoved his hand in his mouth to hide his whimpering as he was kicked again. 

"You worthless piece of shit." His uncle growled at him, giving him another harsh kick before grabbing the neck of his shirt, pulling him up so he was face level with him, Patton could smell the alcohol on his breath. "You're fucking worthless, no one loves you, your parents probably didnt even love you."

"Don't talk about them like that!" Patton shouted in a burst of confidence, he let out a yelp as he was thrown to the ground, his head roughly hit the coffee table and he let out a groan as he tried to sit up but was stopped by his uncle sitting on top of him. 

"I'm the fucking adult here, I'm in control, you have no power here, and you will not speak to me like that." Patton winced as he was slapped hard, causing his head to whip to the side. "You're a worthless piece of shit, and you will listen to me, and not fucking talk back to me." He growled, grabbing Patron by his hair as he stood. "You mean nothing." He said, before punching Patton in the face, finally dropping him and walking off. 

Patton shakily stood, his entire body was on fire and his mind was screaming at him to get out, he rushed to his room, shoving an outfit and his bandages, as well a sports bra into his school bag, putting it over his shoulders with a small gasp, it hurt to move, bit he had to get out. 

He wasn't sure where he was walking to, he just kept walking, entire body on fire, until he looked around, he had wandered into a neighbor, he looked around for a moment at the nice houses before he realized what neighborhood he was in, he was near Logans house, he flinched as he continued to move, if he could just make it to Logan's house. He finally did, weakly knocking on the door, wrapping an arm around his middle, his entire body was on fire, he shouldn't have walked so far with it, he felt dizzy and sick.

Logan opened the door just in time for Patton to collapse, he panicked, quickly dropping down to catch Patton, he took note of his face, his nose was bleeding, his lip was busted, and his eye was starting to turn black and blue. He picked up the boy, noting how light he was and quickly heading up to his bedroom, laying Patton down, he put a hand on his head, unsure of what to do, he wasn't warm, but of all things Logan had knowledge on, medical things weren't one, he looked around his room, he didn't know what to do.

He couldn't get Patton to the hospital, there was no way he could carry him that far, his parents definitely wouldn't be home anytime soon, and he wasn't gonna let Patton go back home tonight. 

Patton stirred and let out a loud gasp as he tried to sit up and fell back down. "No no!" Logan said quickly, voice full of more emotion than he thought it could house. "Stay there, I'm gonna go get you some pain killers." Logan quickly headed down the stairs and retrieved a glass of water and some pain killers, rushing back up to his room and gently passing them to Patton who gladly accepted them. He laid back, staring at the ceiling. 

"I'm sorry for showing up… I… I didn't know where else to go." Logan shook his head. 

"It's fine, would you like to go to the hospital?" Patton shook his head quickly. 

"No, no I can't. I cant let anyone know he's hurting me."

"Why Patton? He's clearly unstable and hurting you badly, you can barely move." Logan said, pulling his desk chair over so he could sit next to Patton, he watched as tears filled Patton's eyes, his left eye was starting to slowly swell closed. 

"Because I don't have any more family, I'll be put into foster care and I can't… I don't want to go through that, I want to stay here, I don't want to be moved around, I've never lived anywhere but this town I cant… I can't be put somewhere else." Logan slowly nodded. 

"Well you can stay here for now, but you do need some serious medical attention." Patton let out a small sigh. 

"Ive… I've survived worse, I'll be out of your hair as soon as I can move. I'm sorry, I just need to go home, I'll be okay, I just need to rest, I'll miss school for a few days to rest and heal and then I'll be fine." Logan furrowed his brows at that. 

"Patton that doesn't seem like the best course of action."

"Well it's all I can do okay Logan." Patton said voice harsher than it ever was before. "I don't have much of an option, if I dont go back he'll come looking for me and it'll be bad, but if I go back and just spend time locked in my room he may leave me alone so I can heal." Logan shook his head. 

"Please Patton you need to tell someone."

"No! I can't Logan okay!" Patton let the tears slip down his cheeks. "I'm sorry I yelled." He said softly, wiping the tears from his cheeks, Logan noticed the forming welp on his right cheek he hadn't noticed before. "I just… I really can't, and I don't know why I even came here." Patton let out a weak chuckle, wincing as he did. "You don't even like me." Logan let out a sigh. 

"It's not that I don't like you…" Logan looked down at his lap, letting out a small sigh. "Patton my parents are… Emotionally unavailable, they never really taught me emotions as a kid, or how to deal with them, the only emotion I really know is anger, it's the only emotion I ever saw from my parents." Logan put his hands on his knees. "They're never around, since I was ten I've done everything myself, I've walked to school and made myself every meal, while my parents leave me to my own devices, usually they arent home by the time I go to bed and by the time I wake they're gone. It's almost as if I don't even have them." 

Logan looked up at Patton who was watching him closely. "I've been pushing you away because I don't know how to deal with the feelings that come with having a friend, I don't know how to deal with the feeling I feel when I see you hurt like this, I'm scared of them because I don't know how to handle them Patton. I don't mean to be rude to you, or make you think I don't like you, I'm just… I'm scared."

"Well it's never too late to learn Logan. Let me help you, I'll help you deal with your emotions, you deserve to have them, and to know what to do with them." He reached out and took Logan's hand gently. "It's gonna be okay, let's work through our issues together."

Logan nodded, he wasn't sure if it was the best idea to finally accept Patton as his friend, but he would do it for now.


	5. Stand on my shoulders

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Logan and Patton are becoming closer, Patton witnesses something he shouldnt have

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update today! I've been surprisingly busy, I'll see if I can get one more chapter out for you guys today. Hope you enjoy!

Patton went home the next day, despite Logan insisting his parents wouldn't notice another child in their home, Patton told him if he stayed away too long his uncle would come looking for him, so Logan let him go, watching as the boy limped helplessly home until he was out of sight. 

The next few weeks were strange to say the least, Logan was trying to learn how to deal with his feelings with Patton's help. 

_ "Sometimes I just feel… Empty? And kind of like I want to cry but just can't, I dont have the energy for it." Logan explained one day, sitting outside the school.  _

_ "That sounds like depression Lo." Patton said, looking at him. "How do you handle it?" _

_ "I just go about my day, everything always seems strange and like it's far away but I just ignore everything and push through like it never happened, even if it is hard to get out of bed." _

_ "Well you should start acknowledging it, it'll make you feel better if you sit down and take a second to breathe, and to just let yourself be sad, you shouldn't sit in it too long but it can be good to have a good crying session every now and then." Logan shrugged.  _

_ "I'm not one for crying." Logan said, looking over at Patton.  _

_ "Well that's okay, you just need to find a way to get out that sadness." _

Logan had been trying to do the things Patton suggested when it came to his emotions, every so often they would sit down, Logan would explain how he was feeling about something and Patton would explain the emotion behind it and give him some advice on how to handle it, it was nice, having someone to explain why he felt the way he did about certain things. 

He was sitting outside with Patton, they were sitting in a comfortable silence until Logan piped up. "So, sometimes I feel this… Pain in my chest, like I can't breathe, it happens when I get thrown off my routine or if I mess up something when I'm pulling out my books and stuff, it's like… I feel like everything's falling apart." Patton looked at him with concern, before speaking in a soft voice. 

"Thats anxiety." He said. "Its… It's hard to deal with, the best thing to do is breathe because there's not much else you can do about it, just breathe and do something to help distract from it." Patton looked down at his lap. "It won't magically go away, sometimes you have to work really hard to make it go away, but eventually if you give it time it eases up." Logan nodded, picking at a stray thread on the cardigan he was wearing, Patton mentioned the cardigan once, but dropped it when Logan gave him a short and harsh answer. 

"How…" Logan looked up at Patton. "How have things been going with your uncle?" Logan asked softly, not sure if it was a good idea to ask. Patton looked at him for a moment before rolling up his sleeve to show the bruise of a hand print around his wrist. 

"Other than this it's been… Fine, not nearly as bad as he got a few weeks ago, he's still escalating and I don't know what I should do about it."

"Tell the authorities." Logan supplied, causing Patton to sigh. 

"You know why I can't do that Logan… I know you want me to, and I know you just want me safe but… I just can't." Logan sighed. 

"I know I just… I don't know why but I'm scared, everytime I watch you start your journey home I'm scared it'll be the last time I see you, and we're just now becoming friends, I don't want to lose you. I'm not ready to lose you." Logan looked down at his lap, he wasn't sure what to do after admitting something like that to Patton. 

"Logan…" Patton said, voice trailing off. "I promise you Logan, I'm gonna be okay, I've survived three years of this… What's three more?" He shrugged. "When I'm eighteen I can leave and I'll be okay, but Logan I promise I'm gonna survive this."

Logan looked up at Patton for a moment, before doing something he wasn't sure about, reaching over and grabbing Patton's hand in his. "I just…" Logan tried to find the words to describe how he was feeling. 

"You're worried." Patton said, giving his hand a squeeze. "Its okay to be worried Logan, we're gonna be fine, both of us." Logan nodded softly, pulling his hand away from Patons. 

"I should head home." He said softly, pushing himself up and dusting off his jeans. Patton nodded and pushed himself up as well. 

"Yeah, I've gotta get home before my uncle…" Patton gave Logan a small smile. "I'll see you tomorrow." Logan nodded and they both headed off their separate ways. 

  
  


***

  
  


Logan had learned that it wasnt an uncommon occurrence for Jason to grab Patton in the hallway and call him homophobic things, Logan usually shut him down pretty quickly, however this time Patton wasnt at school, Logan got pretty anxious when he realized it and hoped that Patton was okay, but that meant this time as he was walking down the hall he was grabbed by Jason, who shoved him against the locker. "Hey there little nerd." He said, smirking at Logan who simply stared at him. 

"Your intimidation tactics don't work when the person is taller than you." Logan stated, staring down at him. 

"Shut up you little fag." He growled, pulling Logan back and shoving him against the lockers again. 

"Oh." Logan said. "So Patton is only considered a man when it works to your benefit, got it." Logan said, putting his hands on Jason's chest and shoving him away from him. "I think you'd better think about your next actions and words very carefully." Logan gave him a pointed look, he was starting to get pissed with this kid, he wouldn't leave them alone and he was sick of it. 

"Aw what are you gonna do beat me up? I don't think you have it in you, aren't you a goody two shoes?" Jason smirked up at Logan, who reared back and punched him in the face. Jason stumbled back, holding his nose and staring at Logan with a shocked expression.

Logan shook his hand slightly, before cracking his knuckles and looking at Jason. "Leave me and Patton alone." He said simply before walking off. 

  
  


***

  
  


Patton was sat on Logans floor, they were working on Patton's math homework again, Logan had learned that while Patton was great at almost every subject he fell behind in math, it wasn't that he wasn't smart, it was just the numbers flew over his head and he couldn't keep up with them when they were swirling around his brain. 

He was starting to understand more and more as he and Logan worked on it, usually once they finished Patton would stay at Logan's house for just a while longer before they would part ways.

Logan was always terrified it would be the last time he saw Patton, he hated that he was scared, he often times would end up pacing his room, trying to tell himself that Patton would be fine, sometimes it worked, sometimes his brain decided to provide him with the thought that if Patton had died he wasn't sure he would find out about it.

Logan wasn't good with feelings, so when Patton showed up at school the next day with a black eye Logan did everything in his power not to just yell and scream, he wanted to beat the shit out of Patton's uncle, this was one emotion he did know well, anger. 

"What else did he do to you?" Logan had snapped at Patton, who flinched at the harshness of Logan's voice. 

"Nothing else, I'm fine really, he just gave me the black eye, I'll be okay." Patton reassured Logan, who simply let out a frustrated sigh. 

"Okay, if you say so." Logan said, following Patton into their class. He spent the rest of the day thinking of all the words he would shout at the top of his lungs to Pattons uncle if he could. 

  
  


***

  
  


Patton was sat on his bed doing schoolwork when he heard the front door open, instead of just his uncles voice he heard Jessica's as well, they were fighting again, they were yelling louder than usual and Patton covered his ears, he heard a thump and he flinched, quickly standing, he wasn't sure what he was doing but he opened his door, not expecting what he saw.

Jessica was on the ground, and his uncle was hovering over her, kicking her like he kicked Patton, he had never seen his uncle treat someone like he treated him, his eyes filled with tears as Jessica looked over at him, fear in her eyes, she mouthed to him to hide and he shook with fear and he finally took her advice when his uncle began punching Jessica's face, he sat on his bed, pulling his blanket over his head and hiding, tears streaming down his face, what if he killed her? He didn't know what to do, he was terrified, he couldn't block out the noises of him beating her. 

He didn't know what to do, he couldn't save her, he wanted to save her but he was too much of a coward to stand up to his uncle.

Tears were quickly falling from his face as he thought about it, he couldn't save her, no matter how hard he tried he wouldn't be able to in the end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact the title of this fic and the chapter titles are lyrics from a song in Roman's playlist
> 
> Check it out it's a really beautiful song!


	6. Up where its carefree

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Patton confesses, Logan loses his temper

The next day Patton was visibly upset, and no matter how much Logan tried to get him to talk he was silent, Logan was getting worried about him, he wasn't sure he had ever seen Patton be quiet for this long, it lasted the whole day and they were sitting outside, a part of their routine, and Logan still couldn't get him to speak. 

"Patton?" He asked, reaching a hand out for him. "Patton please, you're scaring me, can you just say something? Anything?" Patton stared at him, and opened his mouth, but nothing came out, he shut it, looking down at his lap for a moment.

Logan's heart hurt, he wasn't sure why it hurt and he couldn't ask Patton, not when he was clearly upset. "Oh, I have an idea." Logan gestured to Pattons bag, asking for permission, the blue eyed boy nodded and Logan pulled out Patton's pens and notebook, passing it to him. "You can write. If you feel like talking that is." Patton looked down at the paper in his lap and nodded.

Logan watched as he scribbled something down and then passed the notebook to Logan. 

_ 'Last night my uncle beat Jessica, I've never seen him hurt anyone other than me and I couldn't save her.'  _

Logan frowned at that, looking back up to Patton. "It's not your fault, there's nothing you could have done Patton." Patton simply shrugged, taking the notebook back. 

_ 'I could have done something, instead I hid and didnt do anything to save her from him.' _

"It's not your job to save everyone Patton, please you need to realize that, you cant save everyone, no matter how hard you try." Patton let out a sigh and nodded softly. "Let me walk you home." Logan said, looking at Patton, who quickly scribbled something down, Logan was starting to struggle to read his words, his handwriting wasn't nearly as neat as Logans. 

_ 'Are you sure?'  _

"Of course." Logan stood and held his hand out to Patton. "I want to make sure you make it home safely." Patton looked like he was gonna cry and nodded his head, standing and putting his notebook and pens away before him and Logan started off to his home. 

There was a strange car outside, Patton noted as soon as the house came into sight, it was a nice car, not like the ones his uncles friends drove, he gave Logan a worried glance, opening his mouth and speaking for the first time that day. "I don't know who's here…" He said, voice soft and hoarse from not speaking. 

"I'll accompany you to see them, it doesn't look like anyone bad." When they got closer to the house Patton took note of a lady, dressed nicely standing at the door, he glanced at Logan as they headed up the steps. The lady turned around as soon as she heard the two.

"Hello there." She gave Patton a sweet smile. "Are you Patricia?" Patton flinched at the name and Logan disregarded it, ignoring his urge to correct the lady. 

"Yes, I am, who are you?" Patton asked, slowly reaching over and grabbing Logan's hand. 

"My name is Sarah." She said, offering her hand to Patton. "I'm with child protective services, is your uncle home?" Patton froze up, glancing over at Logan. 

"Um, no he's not, he probably won't be for a while." Patton sent Logan another glance, he was clearly panicking. 

"Well would you mind if I came in and asked you a couple questions about your uncle? I promise it'll only take a few minutes." Pattons hands were shaking, and Logan gave it a gentle squeeze to let him know he was there for him. 

"Can my friend stay?" Patton finally asked, finding he didnt care if the lady came in as long as Logan would stay with him. 

"Of course!" Sarah said, giving Patton a big smile. "It's always nice to have someone to support you." Patton nodded, heading up to the door and unlocking it, heading inside.

He felt embarrassed to have Logan seeing his home, it was a mess, there were beer bottles scattered all over the living room, the place was generally just gross, garbage strewn throughout the room. "Let's uh." Patron flushed. "Let's go to my room." He looked down as he led the two to his room, it wasn't the greatest but it was probably the cleanest room in the house, Patton and Logan sat on the bed and Sarah sat across from them. 

"Is this how your house always looks?" She asked, glancing around his room, it was basically bare, all he had was his side table and bed, no light, no alarm, nothing covering his walls, it might as well have been empty. 

"Uhm…" Patton looked down at his lap, picking at his jeans, Logan gave his hand a supportive squeeze and when Patton looked up at him he knew Logan wasn't gonna let him lie to her. "Yeah, it is." He said, Sarah nodded. 

"I just have a few questions for you okay Patricia?" Patton nodded, trying not to flinch at the wrong name. "How would you describe your uncle's mood?"

"Angry? He's usually pretty mad, especially when he's drunk." Sarah nodded, giving Patton a sympathetic look. 

"Does he ever hurt you?" Patton tensed and Logan gave his hand another squeeze to let him know he was there for him, this was his out, this was what he needed. 

"Yeah…" Patton looked down at his lap again. "He… He hurts me pretty badly sometimes." Logan looked at Sarah, his look pleading, hoping she was gonna do something about Patton's pain. 

"How badly? Have you ever had to go to the hospital for it?" Patton shook his head. 

"I… I've never gone to the hospital but I… He has hurt me so bad I haven't been able to move before." Logan took a deep breath before speaking, he knew it wasn't his place in this conversation but he needed to. 

"He showed up at my house, about a month and a half ago, his ribs were bruised, his eye was swollen shut, his lip was busted and he collapsed." Logan looked at Patton, who seemed to be intently staring down now, clearly not wanting to talk about what he did to him. 

"Do you have any other family, Patricia?" Patton shook his head. 

"My uncle is all I have…" Patton took a shaky breath, looking up at Sarah. "I'm scared of him." He admitted, tears filling his eyes. "But I can't… I cant leave this town, I can't leave my school, I just… I can't!" Patton pulled his hand away from Logan to wrap it around his middle, trying his best not to cry but failing as tears began to roll down his cheeks. 

"Patricia, I will ensure that no matter what happens you never leave this town." She said, reaching out to grab his hand. "Has he ever done anything other than hurt you? Like touch you anywhere he shouldn't? Or that you were uncomfortable with?" Patton shook his head. 

"No… He's only ever hurt me. He's never done anything other than… Other than beating me." Sarah nodded softly. 

"I'm gonna get you out of here okay Patricia? I don't have any more questions for you, but I'll be back in a few days, I've got some things to discuss with some people and then I'll be back to help you, can you handle waiting just a few days?" Patton nodded, wiping the tears from his cheeks. 

"Good. Thank you for talking with me Patricia, I'll be back soon for you." As she walked out of his room Logan immediately wrapped his arms around Patton, he wasn't one for hugs but he could tell Patton needed it.

He pressed his face into Logan's neck, letting out a quiet sob, Logan just rubbed his back, quietly shushing him and rocking him gently, Patton pulled away after he calmed. "I… You should go, before my uncle gets back." Logan looked at Patton, worry clear on his face. 

"Will you be okay?" He asked. 

"I'll be fine Logi, I promise. I can handle myself against him, I'll make sure he doesnt find out about her coming to visit." Logan nodded. 

"Okay, be safe Patton." Patton nodded, and Logan walked out of his bedroom and to the front door, he took one last glance at Pattons bedroom before he pulled the door shut behind him, Patton would be okay, at least that's what he told himself. 

  
  


***

  
  


Logan walked through the door to his home, it was empty, and huge, and all Logan could think was that Patton deserved to live somewhere like this, he didn't deserve it. 

Logan hand a hand through his hair and headed to his bedroom, Patton was gonna be okay, he had finally confessed to what his uncle was doing to him to someone who could take action, for that Logan was incredibly thankful.

Logan sat at his desk and pulled his things out of his bag, organizing them on his desk, while he worked on his school all he could think about was what might happen to Patton, he hoped that the boy would be safe. 

  
  


***

  
  


Patton looked like shit, to put it nicely, when he arrived at school the next day, Logans anger boiled inside him as he looked at Patrons face, his lip was split open, he had a large bruise on his cheek, and when his sleeves slid up he could see hand shaped bruises on Pattons wrists. 

"Are you okay?" Logan asked, looking at Patton, he was pissed, he wanted to march himself over to Patton's house right that moment and teach his uncle a lesson, but he couldn't do that, not to Patton, so instead he kept those thoughts in his head and focused on checking on Patton. 

"I'm fine. It hurts a little but I'm fine." Patton gave Logan a small smile. "I… It seems I won't have to deal with it for much longer anyway so I'll be okay." Logan nodded softly, letting his hands that had been clenched into fists under his desk relax. 

"Yes… You won't be there for much longer." Logan said, it was mostly to himself though, he needed the reassurance that Patton was going to be okay. 

When they were walking down the hall Logan saw Jason, he had left them alone since Logan decked him but he was quickly approaching them and before Logan could stop him he grabbed Patton and slammed him, harder than usual, against the lockers, Logan watched as Patton's head bounced off the metal and he flinched. "What's up dyke, been a while." Logan's hands clenched at his sides, he couldn't deal with this today, his anger was fuelling him, he grabbed Jason, pulling him off of Patton roughly, he was about to lose his shit.

Logan decided he didn't care, he snarled at Jason. "I told you to back off and leave us alone." He said, voice startlingly level as he shoved him to the ground. "You need to back off."

"Aw protecting your little girl toy?" Logan couldn't take it anymore, he picked Jason up by his shirt and decked him in the face, he didn't stop though, he did it twice more until Patron was pulling him away, crying for Logan to stop, Logan dropped Jason, whose eye was clearly starting to bruise and his nose was bleeding, Logan was panting as he stared down at him, Patton was holding his arm and Logan looked down at him, Patton looked terrified, and Logan found that now he cared what was going on. 

"Logan Sanders!" Logan's head snapped up as a teacher approached them, Logan shook out his hand as she walked up to him. "What is the meaning of this?" Logan shrugged, letting his face fall into a more neutral expression.

"He was bullying another student." Logan said simply, giving the teacher a pointed look. 

"You solve nothing with violence Logan." She said, pinching the bridge of her nose. "Come on, principal's office, now." Logan shrugged, looking over at Patton who was now looking at the ground, before he headed off to the office.

Punching Jason was worth the dentition he got, he was just lucky that they didnt call his parents.

  
  


***

  
  


Besides the one day he had detention Logan had made it a habit to walk Patton home, he found it made him feel slightly better about Patton getting home, he still was terrified something could happen to him but it helped ease that a bit. 

It had been a few days and like promised when Logan and Patton got close enough to Patton's home they saw Sarah's car in Patton's driveway. 

Patton reached over and grabbed Logan's hand, giving it a small squeeze when he saw the other car that was in front of his house, a cop car. He gave Logan a worried look and Logan squeezed his hand. "It's gonna be okay Patton." Patton nodded softly and they headed to the house, standing outside was Sarah, chatting with a police officer, Patton took a shaky breath as he and Logan approached them, the officer straightened up when they headed over to them. 

"Hey there kiddo." He said, holding his hand out. "I'm officer Kyle, do you know when your uncle will be home?" Patton looked over at Logan, a scared expression on his face, Logan simply gave him a small nod. 

"Um, he's usually home around six…" Patton said, squeezing Logan's hand. 

"Well would you mind if me and Sarah came in?" Patton nodded and let go of Logan's hand to unlock his front door, the house was just as bad as it was before and the cop seemed unfazed by it. 

"Hey Patricia, can you do me a favor?" Patton nodded, looking at Sarah. "Can you go pack up your things, your clothes and anything you need?" Patton looked at her for a moment before taking a shaky breath and nodding, silently pulling Logan to his room. 

Patton looked at Logan, tears filling his eyes, he didn't say anything, and he didn't have to, Logan's arms wrapped around him, and he held him close to his chest. "It's okay Patton. You're gonna get away from him, you're gonna be safe, it's gonna be okay." Patton nodded against his chest, he pulled away from Logan after a minute and wiped his eyes, silently going to his closet and pulling out the extra school bag he had. 

Logan silently watched as Patton packed away things, he didn't have much, a few t shirts, his sweaters, his button up, and a pair of shorts, the only other thing Patton had was a stuffed bear, that he silently hugged before stuffing into his bag, he looked at Logan, fear in his eyes. "I promise Patton, it's gonna be okay." Patton nodded, slinging his now packed bag over his shoulder, putting his school bag over the other and walking out of the room, he froze as the front door opened, his uncle was home early. 

Patton could only stare at the door as it opened, his uncle looked pissed and glared at Patton as he walked through the door. "Well hello officer." He said, voice nicer than Patton had ever heard it. "To what do I owe the pleasure?" The officer simply raised an eyebrow before walking over to his uncle. 

"Turn around and put your hands behind your back sir." His uncle let out a laugh. 

"What'd the kid tell you? You know she's mentally unstable, she hasn't been right since her parents died, she lies about everything." Patton shrunk back as his uncle glared at him. 

"Well lucky for you it wasn't her who told us what you were doing." Kyle grabbed his uncles arms, forcefully pulling them behind his back and cuffing him. "You're under arrest for assault, sexual assult, and child abuse. You have the right to remain silent." Sarah knelt in front of Patton, giving him a small smile. 

"You weren't supposed to see this part, I'm sorry." Patton shook his head, he still couldn't find a way to form his words. "You're gonna come with me okay? Your new home isn't far from here, the parents taking you in are incredibly nice, you'll be safe there." Patton looked at Logan, fear in his eyes. "I'm sorry your friend can't come with." She said softly. "Can you come with me now?" Patton nodded, slowly letting go of Logan's hand.

They walked out of the house together, Logan gave Patton one last hug before he climbed into Sarah's car and they drove off, Logan stared after the car, Patton was safe now, and it felt like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. 


	7. I know that one day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Patton meets his foster family, Logan is worried about Patton

Patton was staring at his feet as Sarah knocked on a door. He wasn't sure how much he liked this, but Sarah said they were nice. 

The door opened and he looked up, he still hadn't spoken since he was told to pack his clothes, he looked at the couple, they looked like the perfect family, it caught Patton off guard, he didn't know how much he trusted it though. 

"Well hello!" The woman said. "I'm Carrie." She introduced herself, holding her hand out to Patton, who hesitated before shaking it. "What's your name?" She asked, Patton looked back to the ground, he felt a hand on his shoulder and heard Sarah's soft voice. 

"She's been through a lot today, I think she just needs some space to process everything." Patton pushed back the tears in his eyes, he was terrified, he had known nothing but his uncle for the last three years and now everything was gonna be different. 

He wasn't gonna miss him, but things were gonna be changing, and he didn't exactly like change. 

"Well sweetie come on in, we'll show you your room and you can get settled." Patton nodded softly and walked into the house, looking around, it wasn't nearly as nice as Logans but it was nicer than where he had been living, and more homey than Logan's. "This is my husband Larry, he's gonna lead you to your room okay?" Patton simply nodded again.

As they headed up the stairs the guy began to speak. "I know this all has to be hard for you, but I promise you'll be safe here sweetie, we're gonna take good care of you." He pushed open a door and Patron looked around, the walls were bare but the room had more than he had in the last three years, there was a desk, and a lamp, and of course a bed with proper sheets and blankets on it. 

He sat his two bags down beside his bed and sat on it, looking down at his lap. "I'll leave you to get settled, one of us will come get you for dinner." He then left the room, leaving Patton to his own devices.

Patton looked around the room, it wasn't bad, but it was different, he couldn't remember the last time he had a lamp, it was… It was weird. 

Patton looked down at the bed, it was strange, he wasn't sure how to process everything that had happened. 

At least he had Logan, Logan was the same, and his school, he could latch onto those facts. 

  
  


***

  
  


Patton didn't talk until the next morning, he was used to going about his day only eating at lunch but he was woken earlier than he usually did to eat breakfast, and as he was sitting at the table, quietly chewing on pancakes Carrie started talking to him. "So Sarah told us your name, can you tell us a few things about you?" 

She was holding her husband's hand on the table, watching him intently. "I uh." Patton looked down at the table, taking a shaky breath before speaking. "Well there's not much to tell, I like cats, I wanna be a nurse, my best friend is Logan…" He shrugged his shoulders. "I uh." He thought about it for a moment, coming out was hard, and strange, it took a lot of courage for him to do it to his teachers, but he needed to do this, they were nice enough that they would accept him right? "I actually go by Patton, and male pronouns…" 

The couple looked at each other before Larry spoke up. "Oh sweetie, you're just a little confused." He said. "God made you who you are, you shouldn't go around changing that." Patton flinched and looked back down at his plate. 

"I don't think so… I think he meant for me to be this way, why else would he make me like this?" Patton said softly, not sure that they would hear him. 

"No honey, he didn't make you for you to change yourself, but that's okay, we'll help you get fixed." Patton held back his tears as he pushed himself away from the table. 

"I'm gonna go get ready for school." He said quietly, before quickly heading up the stairs to his bedroom, his breathing was getting quicker and he paced his room for a moment, following the 4-7-8 breathing exercise until he calmed down. 

He looked around the room, this family clearly wasn't as nice as they seemed to be. Patton wrapped his chest and got dressed in his button up and cat sweater, he was gonna be fine, he could make it through this. 

He grabbed his school bag, realizing he hadn't done any of his schoolwork, he let out a sigh, he would do it in between classes. 

He walked down the stairs, giving the adults a wave as he walked out of the door, he took a shaky breath and headed towards the school. 

When he arrived he realized how early he was, he didn't realize he had left so much earlier than he usually did, so he sat down outside the school, pulling out his work and starting to work on it. 

When Logan approached the doors to the school he noticed Patton and raised an eyebrow. "Patton?" He asked, taking note of the shorter boy's red eyes when he looked up at him. 

"Oh! Hi Lo!" He said, wiping his eyes and putting his things away before standing. 

"Patton are you okay?" Patton looked down at the ground, shifting his feet. 

"Talk after school?" He asked, looking back up to Logan who nodded.

Logan didn't question him the rest of the day, even as he watched Patton frantically working on schoolwork in between each of their classes, even as he noticed tears streaming down Patton's cheeks randomly during class. 

Finally it was the end of the day and they sat outside the doors, Patton picking at his jeans. "They think I'm broken." Patton finally said, looking up at Logan. 

"What?" He asked, shifting to look at Patton better. 

"My foster parents, I told them I was trans and they told me god wouldn't want me to be this way and told me they were gonna "fix" me." Patton let out a small sigh. "I made a mistake, I should've kept it to myself."

"No, you deserved to tell them, you deserve a house that'll accept you, that'll keep you happy." Patton shook his head. 

"Honestly Logan I'm starting to think I don't, why else would I always end up in homes where people aren't treating me nicely, or where I'm unhappy." Patton shrugged, looking back up to Logan. 

"No. That's not how this works Patton, you need to be happy, you deserve to be happy Patton." Patton let tears slide down his cheeks, he had lost count of how many times he'd cried that day. 

"Logi… I just… Logi I just wish things were different, I wish everything was different, I miss my parents, I wish that they were still here, I wish that… I kind of wish I didn't exist Logan." Logan frowned and moved closer to Patton, wrapping his arms around him. 

"If you didnt exist I'd still be hurting, I'd still not know how to deal with my emotions, you're putting good into the world Patton, even if it doesn't feel like it you matter a lot." Patton pressed his face into Logan's shoulder, they stayed like that in silence save for Patton's sniffles for a while until Patton pulled away. 

"I guess I should head… Home." He sighed. 

"Let me walk you?" Logan asked, pushing himself up to stand, Patton followed suit and nodded softly. 

"Sure."

And so they started the walk back to Patton's new home. 

  
  


***

  
  


Patton stopped talking at his new "home" he only ever talked to Logan now, he couldn't deal with his foster families comments whenever he spoke, he tried his best for the first week to get them to understand he was a male, but they ignored him, told him every religious thing you could think of, he was forced to church every Sunday, they bought him a bunch of dresses to wear, and he felt… He didn't feel right. 

He was sitting on his bed, dress spread out around him, he wanted to cry, he didn't look right, nothing about this was right. 

He pushed himself off his bed and wiped his eyes so he could change into a shirt and jeans. He wasn't okay, everyday his mental health was getting worse and worse, even Logan had taken note of how different Patton was acting. 

He wasn't okay, there were so many things wrong with where he was and he felt like he was gonna puke as he pulled off the dress, he tossed it aside, not caring about how they kept saying they needed to be hung up so they were nice and wrinkle free for church. 

Patton didn't give a shit about that. 

He had school tomorrow, that's the only good thing he could think of.

  
  


***

  
  


"Why don't you come stay the night." Logan suggested, as they were walking to Pattons. 

"I don't know… Do you think they'll let me?" Logan shrugged. 

"Only one way to find out, let me talk to them." He suggested as they approached Patton's new home. They walked up the steps together, Logan would usually give him a hug and be on his way at this point, but instead Patton opened the door and Logan followed inside. 

Carrie came out of the kitchen at that moment and paused. "You brought a friend, hello I'm Carrie." She held her hand out to Logan who shook it. 

"Logan." He said, pulling his hand away. "I was wondering if Pat-Patricia could come over to my house for the night, I've been tutoring her in math and we have a big test coming up." Logan said, giving her a small smile. "My parents have already approved and she'll be sleeping in another room than mine." He explained.

Carrie looked between the two, seeming to think it over before she sighed. "Alright." She said, looking at Patton. "Go pack up your things honey." Patton nodded and hurried up the stairs to get away from her, however now Logan was stuck with her. "So you must be Logan, she said you were her best friend." Logan nodded his head. 

"Yes, we are quite close." He said. "However I house no romantic feelings for her if you're worried about that. We are simply friends, and as I have assured you we will be in separate rooms with my parents supervising." Carrie gave him a look before she spoke again. 

"Does she actually talk to you?" Logan was taken back by the question before he realized Patton not once spoke to her, he thought back to the day after Jessica had been hurt by his uncle and how he had stayed silent the whole school day. 

"Usually, there are days where she stays silent." Logan looked her up and down before speaking. "It's usually when she's upset." He said, trying his best not to glare at the lady. "If she's not speaking here then she doesn't feel safe." Patton arrived back to them before Carrie could shoot back a remark to Logan, Logan smirked slightly at her before he grabbed Patton's hand. "Well we'll be gone now." He said, turning and walking out the door with Patton. 

"Thank you." Patton said as soon as they were out of the door. 

"Of course. I apologize for the wrong name and pronouns, while I usually would be much more snarky to people. I would like to stay at least somewhat on her good side so that we may continue to see each other." Patton nodded, adjusting his bag on his shoulder. 

"It's okay, I don't like hearing them but I know that you had to." Patton gave him a smile. "But I'm excited to stay the night! It'll be fun." Logan let out a small chuckle. 

"Yes I supposed it could be considered fun." Patton just laughed at that.

"Come on Logi! Be a little bit more optimistic." Patton smiled at him. "I'll make sure you have fun!" Logan gave Patton a small smile.

Maybe he could have fun with Patton.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly I'm running out of song lyrics for the chapter titles so I may start pulling from another song lmao


	8. You're gonna fly

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Logan and Patton have a sleepover, Patton catches Logan

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: self harm  
> Scene starts with "it was late" and ends with "Patton had woken up"

They did in fact work on math for a while, Patton was slowly starting to understand everything and Logan couldn't deny the feeling in his chest when Patton got excited over getting a question right on the first try, he was incredibly proud of Patton for coming as far as he had in the last few months. 

After that Patton insisted they played a game, Logan located a deck of cards and they spent a few hours with Patton teaching Logan games to play with them, Logan taught Patton how to play solitaire. 

After their time playing games Logan told Patton to come with him to the kitchen so they could have dinner, Logan wasn't a very good cook, but Patton however, he helped Logan and eventually Logan just let him take over, it was amazing watching him cook, he didn't make nearly as much of a mess as Logan did, because even though he was quite a neat person he somehow couldn't make dinner with spilling something. 

They sat together at Logan's dinner table and ate, chatting about school as they did, Jason had left them alone since Logan had punched the shit out of him, which they were both thankful for. Logan realized he wasn't sure when the last time anyone other than him had sat at the table, he poked at his pasta at that, it was a depressing thought, and it made Logan feel… Strange. 

He couldn't find it in him to ask Patton what it was though, he didn't want to upset him when they were having such a good time.

So he stayed quiet and they went about their night. 

  
  


***

  
  


"Logan?" Patton asked as it was closer to time for them to head to bed. 

"Yes Patton?" Logan asked, he was grabbing his pajamas to go change. 

"I um…" Patton looked down, he was embarrassed to admit it. "I need to take my bandages off, can you… Can you promise me you wont make fun of my body?" Logan shook his head in disbelief.

"What about me makes you think I would Patton? Of course I won't make fun of your body, you can't control how your body looks." Patton nodded softly. 

Logan led him to the bathroom so he could change and take off his bandages, Patton was shaking as he did, he had never been around Logan without them, he was terrified, what if Logan started thinking of him as less of a guy? Logan said he didn't care but Patton did, he took a shaky breath once they were off. He was gonna be okay, Logan was safe, Logan was nice. 

Patton got into his huge shirt and pajama bottoms, the shirt was his fathers, he of course had washed it so many times it no longer smelled like him but it was one of the only things he had saved from his family, the other being his mother's stuffed bear. 

He walked back into the room after brushing his teeth, sitting on the edge of Logan's bed, it was definitely big enough to hold the both of them, but Patton wasn't sure if Logan planned on that or not. 

Logan gave him a small smile and went to brush his teeth, while he was gone Patton grabbed his bear and put his bandages into his bag, he held it close to his chest, letting his eyes close, holding back tears, his parents should be here with him, they would love Logan, and they would accept him for who he was. 

When Logan returned he looked around. "So um, we actually don't have an extra bedroom, I can sleep on the floor if you would like." Patton flushed as he shook his head. 

"We can share the bed, if you're comfortable with that, there's plenty of room for the both of us." Logan nodded. 

"Alright, that's fine by me." Logan shut off the light and climbed into the bed next to Patton, who moved the blankets over so he could get under them. 

He held his bear close to his chest as he dozed off, the idea of his parents being with him flashing through his mind. 

  
  


***

  
  


It was late, Logan couldn't sleep, Patton was next to him, and his mind was running a million miles a minute, he finally stood, doing his best not to wake Patton as he walked over to his desk, shifting aside the pencil holder and walking to the bathroom.

He settled himself on the edge of the bathtub and slipped his cardigan off, looking down at his wrist, it was littered with cuts, some deeper than others, he had more room on his arm than his legs so he began sticking with just his arm.

He pressed the blade to a clear part of his arm and slid the blade across it, hissing slightly at the sting, it was good though, it was a welcome pain. 

He continued to add a few more cuts to his arm, until the door opened and he froze.

Patton had woken up, he yawned as he sat up, he needed to pee and didn't even notice that Logan was gone, he didn't even notice the light in the bathroom on, but when he opened the door, even through the blurriness that was his vision without his glasses he could see Logan, he could see the red on his hands and wrist and suddenly Patton was far more awake than he was before, quickly rushing over. 

"Oh my god Logan!" He said, voice panicked, he noticed the blade in his hand now that he was closer, Logan did this to himself, Patton held back his tears as he turned the water on and took the blade from Logan's hand before sticking his wrist under it. "Stay there." Patton said, opening the medicine cabinet to find a first aid kit. He sighed softly and walked over to Logan, pulling his arm out from under the water and drying it with some toilet paper. 

He grabbed an alcohol pad from the kit and gently cleaned the cuts, Logan barely reacted, his face had been blank since Patton had caught him and Patton didn't know what to do with that information. He took a shaky breath as he wrapped his wrist with gauze. "Logan." Patton said, voice gentle. "You can't keep doing this." He looked up at Logan after securing the bandage and ripping the end off. "It's not safe, you can seriously hurt yourself Logan." Patton tried his best to hold back his tears. "Please, I'll help you stop, but please Logan, please stop for me."

Logan's face stayed blank but he slowly nodded, Patton wrapped his arms around Logan and held him close, Logans arms slowly moved up to grip Patton, and next thing Patton knew Logan was crying against his hair, Patton let him, and just held him, it was a long time before Logans sobs turned to just sniffles, Patton slowly pulled away, looking up at Logan. "Come back to bed?" Logan took a shaky breath and nodded and they both headed back to the bed. 

Patton sat his bear aside, instead opting to wrap his arms around Logan and hold him close instead, Logan's shoulders were still shaking, he was still crying, but Patton held him until it slowly stopped and Logan was asleep. 

Patton let out a small sigh, his friend was safe, and he was gonna help him get better. 

  
  


***

  
  


The next morning when Logan woke Patton wasn't in the bed, and he could smell something cooking, he ran a hand through his hair as the memories of what happened the night before flashed through his mind, he felt terrible that he had upset Patton, but that just fueled him to try and stop. He finally pulled his glasses on and headed down the stairs to where Patton was cooking pancakes. 

Patton smiled brightly at Logan when he walked into the kitchen. "Morning Logi!" He smiled. "I'm almost done but you can go ahead and get some pancakes!" Logan smiled fondly at Patton, he was incredibly sweet. 

Logan did as he had told him to do, he grabbed a plate and put a few pancakes on it, putting butter and syrup on them before sitting down, it wasn't long before Patton was joining him, Pancakes basically drowning in the amount of syrup on Patton's plate and Logan flinched at the thought of how much sugar was on the plate. 

After they had breakfast they sat up in Logan's room, they were sitting in silence for a bit before Patron spoke up. "How long have you been… Doing that?" 

"Its…" Logan looked down. "It's been one month, two weeks, and three days." Logan wasn't sure why he kept track of how long it had been since he started, maybe it had something to do with his need to count almost everything. 

"Thats… that's only a few days after we met." Logan sighed. "Logan how come you didn't tell me?"

"Because it wasn't something I thought should be shared, it was just something I did, I… I didn't want anyone to know." Logan looked down, taking a breath before he looked up at Patton, seeing the pain on his face. "I'm sorry."

"No no!" Patton quickly said. "You don't have to be sorry, I just want to help you, so you can feel better and not feel like you have to do that." Logan nodded. 

He was thankful to have Patton as a friend


	9. Crazy as they may seem

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Logan stays for dinner, Patton worries about Logan

Patton continued to not talk at home, it was hard to do things but he stayed silent. 

He was sitting on his bed, the skirt of his dress spread out around him as tears spilled down his cheeks, he couldn't get himself to get up and change, he hated it, the more time he spent in this home the worse he felt.

There was a knock on his door and he quickly wiped his eyes and looked at the door. "Hey girlie." Carrie said, giving him a smile. "Your friend Logan came by, is it okay if he comes up?" Patton nodded quickly, and Carrie stepped out of the room and Patton looked down at the yellow dress, he didn't have time to change before Logan was knocking on the door and coming in, he left the door slightly ajar, but didn't close it for fear of making the foster parents angry. 

Patton wiped his eyes again and gave Logan a small smile. "Sorry I look… Gross." Patton said, rubbing his arm. 

"No its fine." Logan shook his head, he wasn't going to comment on it originally but now that it had been addressed he decided to speak on it. "Your clothing does not dictate your gender, I doubt you chose that outfit but it doesn't matter what you are wearing to me." Logan walked over, sitting next to Patton. "How are you doing?"

Patton shrugged, playing with the satin on the yellow dress. "I'm… Coping." He sighed. "I should be asking you how you're doing."

"It's been two weeks." Logan said, giving Patton a small smile. "I'm doing okay, it's hard sometimes but with your help it's getting easier to push those thoughts away." 

"Good!" Patton bounced slightly on his bed. "I want you to be happy Logan, I'm glad to be able to help you." Logan opened his arms and Patton put himself into them, hugging Logan tightly, Logan gently rubbed Patton's back, until he heard the door being pushed open and pulled away. 

"Hey there kids. Patricia I was wondering if your friend would be staying for dinner." Patton gave Logan a pleading look, he wanted Logan to stay but wasn't sure if he would want to. 

"I'd love to stay ma'am." Logan said, discreetly reaching over to grab Patton's hand for support. 

"Alright, well I'll leave you two alone until then, I'll be up soon to get you two." Carrie left them alone, and Logan watched as Patton visibly relaxed. 

"I'm sorry." Patton said, voice quiet. 

"Why? You have no reason to be." Logan gave his hand a small squeeze. "I wanna be here for you when I can. So. I'll put aside my burning hatred for them to be here for you." Patton hugged Logan again, holding him tightly and trying his best not to cry, he pulled away after a bit, wiping his eyes and standing. 

"Can you step out for just a bit? I wanna get out of this stupid thing." Logan nodded and stepped out of the room, shutting the door behind him. Patton let out a small sigh as he pulled off the dress and tossed it aside, pulling on a pair of jeans and a shirt, he looked down at his chest, he wasn't wearing his bandages but he tried not to on the weekends, he decided he would leave it be and went to the door. 

Logan gave him a small smile, it was good to see Patton in something he was comfortable with. 

  
  


***

  
  


Dinner was a little awkward to say the least, Patton was tense and Logan could tell he didn't want to be here, that he felt unsafe. 

Patton did not speak, despite Carrie and Larry both trying to get him to. "So you two are just friends huh?" She finally asked Logan instead of Patton. Logan looked up from his food and raised an eyebrow. 

"Yes, me and Patricia are simply friends, nothing else." Logan said, reaching up to adjust his glasses. 

"Well I think you two would make a cute couple, don't you Patricia?" Logan looked over at Patton who was staring down at his plate, he had barely touched his food, Logan wondered if he always ate this little and made a note to start bringing extra lunch "on accident". 

"Come on sweetie Carrie asked you a question." Larry said, Patton looked up at them and shook her head, poking gently at his vegetables. 

"Aw why not?" Patton didn't respond that time, electing to completely ignore her, so Logan spoke up. 

"Neither of us like each other that way ma'am, we're simply friends and nothing else I assure you." Logan was reaching his limit with this lady, he was ready to punch her in the face, anger was something he had control over, she was being an ass so she deserved it, but he decided against it, letting out a small sigh and unflinching his fists.

He needed to be civil, for Patton's sake. Thankfully she dropped the topic after that, she continued asking questions though, about school and his parents, Logan did his best to answer the questions in a way that would keep him on their good side, he wanted them to like him as much as possible so he could keep seeing Patton.

After dinner they headed back to Pattons room, where Logan pulled him into a tight hug, Patton rested his head on Logan's chest, letting out a small sniffle. "Its okay… You'll be okay Patton." Logan rubbed his hand over Patton's back and let him take control of when the hug ended. Patton wiped his eyes as he pulled away. 

"You should head home, I don't want you to walk home when it's too late." Logan nodded softly, it was a good idea, even though Logan desperately wanted to stay and keep Patton safe from those bastards. 

He gave Patton another hug, with a promise to see him at school the next day and he headed home.

  
  


***

  
  


When Logan walked into his home he froze, the tv was on, his mother was sitting on the couch, she turned her head to look at him. "Where were you?" She snapped, Logan flinched, settling his face into a neutral expression. 

"A friend's house. Why do you care all of a sudden?" He didn't wait for a response before he was stomping up the steps to his room. 

He slammed his door shut, anger filling his body, she had no right to act like a concerned mother now, and Carrie had no right to treat Patton like he was broken, and Jason had no right to be a homophobic asshole, and his father had no right to uproot his entire life. 

Logan was seething, he grabbed one of his pencil holders and tossed it at the wall, hands shaking and chest heaving, he usually had so much more control over his anger but now he didn't know what to do with it, he was pissed about everything in his life at the moment, he placed back and forth his room.

Patton went from one bad situation to another, why hasn't someone gotten him out of there yet? Surely they knew he was hurting? Why did Carrie treat him like he needed to be fixed? Why did she make him wear those stupid dresses? Logan wanted to burn them just to free Patton from wearing them. 

Why did his parents not care? What had he ever done to make them hate him so much? His fist collided with the drywall next to his door, leaving a sizable dent in the wall, he pulled his hand back and shook it, his knuckles were gonna be bruised but it felt nice to punch the wall, it felt nice to get his anger out in some way. 

He finally settled down, sitting on his bed and just breathing, he glanced around his room, at the mess of his pencils and pens on the ground, at the dented wall, and then put his head in his hands. 

Logan sat like that for a while before he finally stood and got ready for bed, he needed to sleep this anger off, he needed to calm down in some way. 

  
  


***

  
  


Patton took note of Logan's bruised knuckles as soon as he sat down next to him. "Logan! What happened?" Patton asked, looking at the blue and purple bruises. 

"I punched a wall." Logan said simply, pulling his things out of his bag to avoid looking at Patton's face. 

"Are you okay?" Logan wasn't sure of the answer to that question, on the one hand he was psychically okay, but mentally, he wasn't sure he was, his parents weren't home when he woke up that morning, as usual, but he was still pissed at his mother for acting like she cared.

"I'm not sure." Logan finally settled on, adjusting his book.

"Talk after school?" Patron asked, looking at Logan with those big eyes he couldn't resist. 

"Of course." He said, and Patton didnt bring it up for the rest of the day.

Logan was looking down at the ground, trying to find the words to speak. "My mom was home when I got there last night." He finally said. "She asked me where I was in a snappy tone, she was angry with me for not being home, I asked her why she cared all of a sudden and went to my room. I was just so pissed with Carrie and then my mom and then I thought about Jason, I usually have more of a hold on my anger but I just… Punched the wall without thinking about it." 

Patton nodded, gently grabbing Logan's bruised hand and looking over it. "Well I can tell you nothing's broken, but it is bruised up pretty badly." Patton looked back up to Logan. "I'm sorry about your mom, it… I know it's hard, but you have me, someone who actually cares about you okay?" Logan nodded and pulled Patton into a hug, something he was starting to enjoy. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm running out of lyrics from paving the runway so probably from here on out the chapter title lyrics will be from another song, havent decided which one yet but I'll let you guys know when I do! (I have one line from paving the runway that I'm saving for a specific chapter though)


	10. Often I am upset

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Patton is acting strange, Patton makes a bad decision

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I dont wanna spoil this chapter so theres a CW in the end notes for anyone who's sensitive 
> 
> This is a long one so buckle up my dudes

Patton had now been living with Carrie and Larry for a little over a month, the once slightly chubby boy was growing increasingly more skinny, Logan tried his best to make him eat, especially after seeing how little he ate the night he stayed for dinner, but it was a useless effort, Patton just explained he felt nauseous, and when he was at home he felt too anxious to even think about eating more than enough to keep him going.

Logan had taken notice of Patton's mental health slowly decreasing, he was worried, he tried his best to be there for Patton but it was hard when he couldnt be with him all the time. He did his best to visit him on the weekends, but even then Patton was just getting worse and worse.

Logan wasn't sure what to do about it, when it was his uncle it was easy to say he needed to tell the authorities but with them… They were not physically hurting him so they couldn't prove anything.

Logan was pacing his room, trying to figure out what he could do to help Patton, his chest hurt and he felt nothing besides terror because he didn't know what would happen to Patton if things kept going the way they were.

  
  


***

  
  


They were sat outside the school, Patton had been mostly quiet and subdued that day. "Hey Logan." He piped up. "I just wanna let you know… I'm glad I met you, and… I love you, I mean like a friend not… But yeah." Logan frowned slightly at him before he spoke.

"Patton, I love you too. Are you okay?" Patton gave him a wide smile that didn't meet his eyes.

"Yeah! I'm fine." Patton nudged Logan's shoulder. "I just thought I'd let you know." Logan nodded slowly, not sure he believed Patton.

  
  


***

  
  


"Hey Logi!" Patton said, as Logan sat next to him, he opened his bag and pulled something out, passing it to Logan. "I wanted to give this to you." Logan looked down at the necklace in his hand. "I'm not sure if you're a jewelry person but…" Logan stared at it, it was a silver heart with a sapphire in the middle.

"This is… It's beautiful, where'd you get it?" Logan asked, unclasping it and putting it on.

"It was my moms." Patton said softly. "I never wear it and you seem to like blue so I just thought… Well I thought you'd like it." Logan looked at Patton, he was worried about him but he gently touched the heart and gave him a small nod.

"Thank you Patton." He said softly, before going back to adjusting his things on his desk.

  
  


***

  
  


Patton was sitting on his bed, tears were streaming down his cheeks and he was trying his best to calm down, he couldn't breathe and everything was too much, he didn't want to exist anymore.

The thought had crossed his mind one too many times in the last few weeks, that he could easily stop existing if he wanted to.

Tears continued to stream down his cheeks as he thought about it, he would be with his parents again, he could hug them and tell them he loved them, tell them he was sorry for not coming out to them before they died.

He wrapped his arms around his knees and pressed his head into them, it was too much, everything was too much.

  
  


***

  
  


Patton and Logan were sitting outside of the school, Patton hadn't talked all day but they still were sitting where they usually did, Logan was rambling on about constellations when Patton pulled out his notebook and wrote for Logan.

_'I love when you get excited about things Lo'_

Logan froze and gave a small smile. "Thanks." He chuckled. "I've never had someone who actually cared about what I had to say."

_'Well I love it, tell me more about the constellations we can see from here?'_

Logan smiled and nodded, starting to tell Patton what stars he could see in the sky at night from his home.

  
  


***

  
  


They were sitting in Logan's room, they were trying to work on Patton's math but his mind was clearly in another place. "Patton?" Logan asked, Patton jumped slightly and looked at Logan.

"Sorry." He rubbed the back of his neck. "I got distracted, what were you saying?"

It happened enough times that Logan called for them to just stop and instead got Patton to play his favorite card games with him, Patton seemed to enjoy it but his eyes were always distant.

  
  


***

  
  


Logan and Patton were sitting in his bedroom, Patton and Logan were speaking quietly about school when Carrie pushed open the door and Patton tensed. "Hey sweetie, your friend needs to head home, it's getting late." It was barely six, but Logan gave Patton a longing look before standing.

"Thank you for having me." He said, she nodded and walked off, as Logan went to walk away Patton grabbed his wrist, Logan turned to look at him, his eyes were wide and slowly filling with tears.

"Hug?" He asked simply, and Logan nodded, pulling him into a tight hug, Patton sniffled against his chest, it wasn't uncommon for Patton to cry when Logan was leaving, or before he headed home, Logan didn't know this one was more than just Logan leaving, he didn't know what was gonna happen in the next few days.

  
  


***

  
  


It had been three days since Patton was at school, he was faking being sick, when in reality he just couldn't get out of bed, he was so exhausted and he had no reason to be, but he just couldn't get out of bed, his mind was reeling, the thoughts of killing himself were back, the thoughts of ending it all, he could do it, he could end it all, be away from Carrie and Larry trying to fix him, be away from his uncle, he could see his parents again, the only thing he could think he would be leaving behind was Logan, but Logan was strong, he had made sure in the last few weeks that Logan knew he loved him.

Carrie pushed open his door, giving him a small smile. "Hey girlie, I'm running to the store, do you need anything?" Patton shook his head and she sighed. "Well I'll be back soon." She said, shutting the door.

Patton listened for her to leave, and waited a few minutes before pulling himself out of bed for the first time in the last three days. He walked silently to the bathroom, where the medicine cabinet was.

He stared at himself in the mirror, his hair was a mess, his eyes were red from crying until he couldn't anymore, he was pale, he shook his head before opening the cabinet.

He shuffled around, pulling out a bottle of painkillers, he took a shaky breath, thinking over it for a second, maybe he shouldn't? He stared at the bottle before making his final decision, he wanted his parents again, he wanted his family back. He used the bathroom sink to help him swallow the whole bottle, he went back to his bed, laying down, he felt sick, his body was trying to push it all out and he threw up once, but everything was starting to feel fuzzy, everything was blurry and he let out a small sigh as he closed his eyes, letting everything fade to black.

  
  


***

  
  


It had been three days since Patton was at school, Logan was worried, everytime he went to his home Carrie told him Patton was sick, Logan was worried about him. He gripped the necklace Patton gave him as he walked to Patton's home, he needed to check on him, just one last time before he left him alone.

However when he got there he saw something he didn't want to see, he saw Patton, on a stretcher being wheeled into an ambulance, he ran to the house, dropping his school bag on the way, tears streaming down his cheeks. "Patton!" He cried, rushing over to his side, despite the EMT trying to push him away, he grabbed Patton's hand, tears pouring down his cheeks. "Patton oh god, Patton I love you, oh god please." He was forcefully pulled away from him and he looked over at Carrie, she didn't look nearly as upset as she should have, she got into her car and followed the ambulance as it left, Logan took a shaky breath and walked back to his school bag, picking it up, he had a long walk ahead of him.

  
  


***

  
  


Logan's back was aching as he reached the hospital, walking into the emergency room, he walked up to the desk, trying his best to keep his voice steady. "I'm looking for Patricia Morale?" He asked, hands shaking.

The lady behind the desk looked at him, eyebrow raised. "Only family can visit." She said, Logan shook his head.

"I'm the only family she's got, please, please I need to see her." The lady gave him a look before letting out a sigh.

"What was the name again?" After typing for a moment and looking through the files she looked up at Logan.

"She's in the icu." She looked around and gestured for someone to come man the desk. "I'll take you there." Logan wanted to cry all over again.

"Thank you, thank you so much." She gave him a small smile and led him to Pattons room, Carrie wasn't in there so Logan sat next to Patton, taking his hand. "Can you tell me what happened?" He looked up at the lady, who nodded and grabbed his file.

"Looks like an overdose, I'm so sorry." Logan nodded softly, squeezing Patton's hand a little tighter. "I'll leave you to it, okay?" Logan nodded again, not paying much attention.

"Patton." He said softly, looking at the boy, he looked so peaceful, his eyes closed, chest moving up and down steadily. "God I wish I was there, I'm sorry, I should've seen the signs Patton." He shook his head. "I'm gonna make sure they know why you did this, I'm gonna make sure you don't go back to them Patton, I swear it." There was a knock at the door and Logan looked up as Sarah walked in, he took a shaky breath and stood, walking over to her, she clearly looked shocked to see him there but was even more shocked when the tall teenager pulled her into a hug.

She gently rubbed his back before pulling away after a bit. "I didn't expect to see you here. Are you okay?" Logan looked back to Patton and slowly sat back next to him.

"I know why he did this." He said, avoiding the question on how he was feeling. "Carrie and Larry, Patricia… he goes by Patton and male pronouns, when he told them they decided they were gonna fix him, they forced him to wear dresses and act feminine, Patton quit talking there and was barely eating…" Logan shook his head, pushing his glasses up to wipe his eyes.

"Are you sure Logan?" Sarah asked. "This is really serious if that's the reason, I need to be sure about it okay?" Logan nodded.

"I promise, I…" Logan thought about how he could prove it for a moment before he quickly grabbed his school bag, one day when Patton was nonverbal he had used Logans notebook to tell him what was going on, he passed it to Sarah, it was clearly Patton's handwriting, as on the next page you could see Logans neat handwriting.

_'Carrie told me I needed to quit "acting wrong" when I didn't sit with my legs crossed'_

_'I don't know, I'm scared of them, they think I need to be fixed'_

_'She makes me wear dresses, forces them on me and takes me to church even when I say I don't want to go'_

_'Logan I just don't know what to do I don't feel safe, I'm scared, I don't want to be with them'_

"Can I take these pages Logan?" She asked softly and Logan quickly nodded, Sarah ripped them out carefully before passing Logan his notebook.

"I promise I'll get him somewhere better for him okay?" Logan let the tears stream down his cheeks as he took Patton's hand again. "He's gonna be okay, okay Logan? I've already spoken with the doctors, when he's stable he's going to a psychiatric hospital, where he's gonna get some counseling and help, and then he's gonna come back, and I'm gonna personally ensure he gets put into an accepting home."

Logan took a shaky breath. "Thank you." He said softly.

Carrie walked into the room at that moment and stared at Logan. "What are you doing here?" She asked. "It's supposed to be only family."

"You aren't his family." Logan snapped back at her.

"It's quite alright Carrie, I approved him being here, Patton having someone who's familiar and safe to him is important." Carrie looked at Sarah.

"Don't call her that, she doesn't know what she's talking about when she says she's like that, she just wasn't raised right." Sarah shook her head.

"No, he's who he says he is. And it'll do you good to know tomorrow I will be at the house to collect Patton's things, and he will be removed from your home, and I'm going to be discussing your future in foster care with the board." Carrie stuttered at that.

"You can't do that! We did nothing wrong!" Sarah shook her head.

"If you had done nothing wrong he wouldn't be here. Now I'm asking you nicely to leave this room and not come back." Carrie stared at her, and then looked at Logan, shaking her head.

"Unbelievable." She snapped, before leaving the room.

Logan let out a sigh and looked back at Patton, Logan couldn't believe he hadn't noticed the signs, Patton telling him he loved him every chance he had, Patton giving him his mothers necklace, his hand instinctively went to the necklace as he thought about it.

He just hoped Patton would be okay, Sarah said he would, but Logan wanted to see it before he believed it.

  
  


***

  
  


Logan felt guilty about it but he called himself out of school for the next few days, pretending to be his father.

He spent as much time as he was allowed in the room with Patton, and when he wasn't allowed in the room he spent the time outside of it until he was allowed back in.

Patton woke up for a few minutes the day after the event, he was out of it but when he saw Logan he smiled and squeezed his hand, and then he was out like a light.

The next day he woke again, but he was a bit more conscious, he managed to speak for a moment, he told Logan he was tired, and dizzy, but he was okay, he laid his head back down at Logan's suggestion and was back asleep after a few minutes.

The third day was when Patton was properly awake and was able to speak tangible sentences. "Logan?" He asked softly as he opened his eyes.

"Hey Patton." He said, giving him a small smile. "How are you feeling?" Patton gave him a sloppy smile.

"Tired." He said softly. "But I'm okay." Logan nodded, squeezing his hand softly.

"Good." Logan wanted to tell him that Sarah was finding him a new home, wanted to tell him that Carrie wasn't gonna be allowed to house anymore kids, but he kept quiet, Patton needed safe topics, he didn't want Patton to get upset right now, so he settled into a soft and safe topic of conversation.

They talked about the stars and planets, anything to keep Patton's mind off of what had happened and why he was in the hospital.

After a while a nurse came into the room, giving them a small smile. "Hey there, glad to see you're awake Patricia." Patton flinched and Logan decided to take reign for him.

"Actually it's Patton." The lady immediately nodded.

"Got it, well glad you're awake Patton, can I ask your friend to step out of the room so I can ask you a few questions, it won't take long I promise." Patton looked at Logan, who gave him a small nod.

"Okay…" He said softly, letting go of Logan's hand.

"I'll be back soon I promise." Patton nodded and Logan walked out of the room, letting out a sigh, Patton seemed to be okay, he was gonna be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: suicidal thoughts, suicide attempt
> 
> This whole chapter is that so if you want to skip it feel free to


	11. His hairs a mess

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Patton meets his new foster family

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is basically pure fluff so come get y'all juice
> 
> Also! I meant to say this at the end of the last chapter but the new chapter titles will be from the song Home by Cavetown! Check it out it's a beautiful song

Patton was gone for a week, he had spent one more day in the hospital and then six in the psychiatric hospital, Logan missed him at school the whole time, he was alone without Patton, but he heard that he was coming home from Sarah, who had gotten Logans home number and called him to give him updates on how Patton was doing. 

Sarah agreed to take Logan with Patton to his new home, after Logan had all but begged her, so Logan was sitting in the backseat with Patton, holding his hand. 

Patton looked so much better, he was practically glowing and it made Logan's chest feel fuzzy. 

They pulled up to a nice single story home with a fence circling the backyard, Logan and Patton stepped out of the car, Logan helping Patton with his bags. Patton gave him a helpful smile as they walked up to the door with Sarah. 

A man answered the door and gave them a smile, he had been warned about Logan tagging along beforehand so he wasn't as shocked as he would've been if he hadn't known. "Oh hello!" He greeted them happily. "Hey Greg! They're here sweetie!" He called into the house before turning back to them. "Hey there, I'm Brian." He introduced himself, holding a hand out to Patton. 

Patron looked like he was going to cry, it was two dads, he now had two dads to take care of him, surely they would be accepting. Patton shook Brian's hand, smiling. "Patton, male pronouns." He said, feeling more confident than ever. 

"Gotcha." He said, moving onto Logan. "And you must be his friend, Sarah told me a lot about you, thank you for helping Patton." Logan gave a small smile at that. "Why don't you guys come on in." Sarah smiled at the two boys and led them inside, as they walked in a dog came bounding into the living room, a tall skinny guy chased after him. 

"Hades! Come back here!" He shouted, finally catching the dog and looking at the four of them. "Sorry, I was trying to get him outside so he didn't bother us." He chuckled, finally hooking the leash he was holding to his collar. "I'll be right back." He said, smiling and walking off.

Brian ushered them to sit down and Greg joined them a moment later, sitting next to Brian and holding his hand. "Hey there guys, I'm Greg, nice to meet you."

"Patton." Patton said, smiling brightly, looking over to Sarah who put a hand on his shoulder. 

"Well Patton I hope you'll like it here, your room is kind of empty but we left it that way cause we wanted to let you decorate it yourself." Patton lit up at that. 

"Really?" He asked, Brian and Greg nodded. 

"Of course, we want you to feel like you're at home here." Patton looked over at Logan and they were clearly thinking the same thing.

Patton was gonna be safe and happy here. 

  
  


***

  
  


When Patton returned to school he was met with stares and whispers, no one knew why he was gone but it was clear rumors were spreading around quickly. Patton shrunk back at the attention but Logan kept close to him, after the stunt with Jason most of the bullies seemed to be staying far away from him, so he took that as a good reason to stay close to Patton.

They sat outside the school again, Patton was sitting with his head resting on Logan's shoulder, happily talking about his new foster parents, he was so much happier than when Logan first met him, he wasn't sure that was possible but somehow it was. Patton was practically bouncing as he spoke excitedly about them. 

Logan couldn't help the small fond smile that filled his face.

  
  


***

  
  


Logan was sat on the couch, Hades head resting on his lap and Pattons head resting on his shoulder, they were watching some disney movie that Patton had insisted on watching, a blanket covering both of their laps, Logans chest felt fuzzy and warm, he focused on that feeling rather than the movie, it was a nice feeling, Patton was warm against his arm and Hades was an adorable dog who was snoring softly. 

Everything felt so right

  
  


***

  
  


Brain and Greg were smiling, more so than usual as they sat Patton down at the kitchen table. "Okay you guys are being weird." Patton said, but his smile was unmistakable. "What's going on?" He asked, looking at the two of them. Greg placed a box on the table, it wasn't wrapped, it was just a simple shipping box. "Okay?" Patton said, looking up at them.

"Open it up kid." Brian said, giving Greg's hand a squeeze. Patton looked between the two of them before opening the box, what he pulled out looked like a skin colored crop top, he looked between the two of them.

"What's this?" He asked, raising an eyebrow as he examined the garment. 

"Well, it's called a binder." Greg answered. "It's to replace your bandages, it's much safer for you, but you have to take it off as soon as you get home from school okay? You can only wear it for eight hours."

"Is this… Is this why you were measuring me the other day?" Patton asked, looking over at Brain who shrugged. 

"Maybe, maybe that was for something else." He smirked and Patton rolled his eyes, he couldn't pretend to be annoyed for long though before he was jumping up and running to hug his foster parents, tears streaming down his cheeks. 

"Thank you… Thank you so much." He said, sniffling against their chests, Greg rubbed his back and Brian ran his hand through Patton's hair, they had offered to let him cut it but he insisted on only a trim, he said he kind of liked it a little shaggy. 

  
  


***

  
  


Logan and Patton were curled up in Patton's bed, it was early morning and Logan was the only one awake, glancing around Patton's room, it had been made his own, the walls were a light blue and there were plenty of things hanging on the walls, ranging from not so great drawings done by Patton to posters for disney movies he loved, the room really was Pattons, it felt nice, Pattons happiness really rubbed off on him when he was around him.

The door was pushed open slowly and Logan looked over to see Hades, Logan smiled, he wasn't one for animals but the big golden retriever had grown on him. He reached his hand over and pet his head before he slipped away from Patton, grabbing his glasses and going down the stairs with the dog, sitting outside while he ran around excitedly.

The sliding door opened and Logan turned to see Greg walking out, his hair was a bit of a mess and he had a blue robe around his white shirt, he was holding a cup of coffee and gave Logan a sleepy smile. "Didn't expect to see you out here." He said, yawning and sitting in one of the chairs. "What are you doing up so early?"

"Just an early riser." Logan admitted, smiling as Hades brought him a ball, he fake threw it once before throwing it properly.

"Ya know he really likes you." Greg said, taking a sip of his coffee. "Hades I mean, well Patton does too. I swear you two are inseparable." Logan blushed at that, looking down at his lap. 

"To be honest, I pushed him away when we first met, told him that I didn't need friends, but he didn't give up on me." Logan smiled softly as he thought about it. "I'm glad he didn't, Pattons the best thing that's happened to me." Greg smiled softly at that. 

"You two are good together, you bounce off each other well, he's a peppy ball of sunshine and you're more quiet and reserved, you work well with each other, you keep him in check and he makes sure you have fun in life." Logan rubbed the back of his neck, nodding softly. 

"Yeah." He looked out at Hades running laps around the yard. "Hes… He's really great. And I'm glad that you guys have him now, he's been through so much and, as much as it sounds impossible, he's so much happier than I've ever seen him."

"You know, me and Brian have been talking about adopting him, we originally planned to just foster him until someone else did but… Well he's grown on us in the last month, he's an amazing kid, and we just want him to be happy." Greg sipped at his coffee again before speaking. "Don't tell him yet though, we're still discussing how to ask him properly." Logan nodded. 

"Your secret is safe with me."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I wanna share this reply to a comment from last chapter, I feel like it has some really good information that isnt gonna come up in the story but is some nice behind the scenes stuff.
> 
> As someone who has tried multiple times (that may be a little personal but its relevant to this) the days leading up to trying are... Eventful, some people think that you confess your love and give away things because you're planning ahead but a lot of times its instinctive to do it, you just, do it because that's what you think of
> 
> Patton has considered it a lot of times since his parents died, being with his uncle was bad and then this was somehow even worse for him, he could handle the psychical pain but the emotional pain was what pushed him over the edge
> 
> Logan genuinely right now believes that he is the only family Patton has because every adult in Pattons life (besides Sarah) has failed him in one way or another, so Logan has taken it upon himself to be Pattons family.
> 
> Logan is taking this hard, I may not exactly write how hard he takes it because I'm trying to give you guys some break from the angst in the next few chapters, but he genuinely blames himself for it, he knows the signs, hes smart, hes probably read a million studies and books about things like this, but when it came down to it he feels like he failed Patton by not noticing.
> 
> Logan very much wanted to punch Carrie in the face when she came into that hospital room, I considered writing him doing that but that wouldve ended with Logan being taken away from Patton so I didnt


	12. I cannot fall in love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Patton gets some good news, Logan and Patton go to a school dance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapters a little short but it's full of sweetness so you guys can have it... As a little treat

It had been two months since Patton had moved in with Brian and Greg, he was thriving, Logan was incredibly happy for him, and the fuzzy feeling in Logan's chest kept coming back every time Patton smiled, or leaned on him, or when they shared a bed together, Logan wasn't sure what the feeling was but it was consistent.

Logan and Patton were sitting on the couch, Hades curled up between them when Brian came into the room, he had a big smile on his face, his hair was curly and it was definitely a bit of a mess, but the red hair and green eyes were welcoming to the two fifteen year olds. "Hey kids, Patton me and Greg need to talk to you, you want Logan to stay around for it?" He asked, Patton nodded. 

"Please." Brian nodded. 

"Okay, I'm gonna go get Greg okay?" Patton nodded again and watched as he walked out, soon enough they both returned, sitting across from Logan and Patton. 

"Hey kiddo." Greg said, smiling at him and looking over at Brian, reaching over and grabbing his hand. "We wanted to talk to you about something pretty important." Logan watched as a worried look passed Patton's face. 

"Patton, we've absolutely loved having you here, you're a ball of sunshine, you've absolutely made our lives a million times better by just being you." Brian said, smiling softly at Patton. 

"All of this to say." Greg interrupted. "Patton, would you be okay if we adopted you?" Patton froze, tears sliding down his cheeks, he had been expecting them to say they were done with him, he wasn't expecting to be asked if he could be adopted. 

He threw himself at the two of them, they barely managed to catch Patton before he hit the floor. "Yes!" He said, holding onto the two of them tightly. "Yes, I'd love that." Tears continued pooling down his cheeks. "Please I'd love it."

Brian rubbed Patton's back and smiled softly at him. Logan watched the scene with a happy smile on his face, Patton deserved this, he deserved everything he was getting. 

  
  


***

  
  


"Hey Logi!" Patton said as he sat down next to him. "Did you hear about the dance?" Logan let out a sigh as he started pulling things out of his bag. 

"Yes, unfortunately." Logan said, shaking his head. "It's not exactly my scene, I'd prefer not to go." Logan looked over at Patton, feeling bad when he saw the look of disappointment on his face. 

"Aw come on Logan." He said softly. "I want you to go with me, please?" He asked. "It'll be fun I promise!" Logan shifted in his seat, thinking about it for a moment before he sighed and nodded. 

"Okay, fine I'll go." Patton started bouncing in his seat excitedly. 

"Yes! Aw you're gonna love it Logan!" Logan couldn't deny the fuzzy warm feeling in his chest seeing Patton's smile. 

  
  


***

  
  


Patton laid back on his bed, staring at the ceiling as he thought over his feelings. 

He loved the way Logan smiled when he made a random joke, or when he thought no one was looking at him, he couldn't get the image of Logan dressed up for the dance out of his head. 

He grabbed his pillow and shoved it over his face, groaning into it, he was in love with Logan, as the thought crossed his mind he let out another groan.  _ He was in love with Logan _ .

He wasn't sure what to do with the information now that he knew it, he couldn't tell Logan, no way, Logan wasn't the best with feelings and Patton dumping some random feelings on him would not play out well. 

No, Patton decided he was gonna keep it to himself, he would just continue to admire Logan's smile from afar, admire the way he talked about his favorite topics. 

Patton groaned out again, he didn't like strong language but he was fucked. 

  
  


***

  
  


The days leading up to the dance were… Eventful, Patton couldn't stop thinking about Logan, it's like every waking moment had been replaced with Logan, the thought of his scent and the way he held Patton when they hugged or shared a bed, his smile, Patton just couldn't stop. 

Logan however was dealing with a different problem, he was trying to figure out why he was feeling so attached to Patton, why he felt fuzzy and warm whenever he was around him, why when he thought of Patton's bright smile it brought a smile to his own face.

He couldn't figure it out, and something was telling him he couldn't ask Patton about this one, especially when it was so tied to him.

However Logan pushed aside his emotions for the night, adjusting his blue tie that he tried not to think about how closely it matched Patton's beautiful eyes, Logan blushed and shook his head, grabbing his bag and heading for the school, he was set to stay the night with Patton after the dance so the bag would come with him and he was assured Brian and Greg would get it to their house so Logan didn't have to carry it around the dance. 

When Logan arrived at the school he spotted Patton leaning against the wall they sat against everyday and Logan swore all the air left his lungs at that moment, Patton looked absolutely  _ stunning _ , Logan just stared for a moment, taking in Patton's suit and the bowtie around his throat, he finally cleared his throat and walked over to him, Patton smiled bright at him and wrapped him in a hug. "Hey Lo! Let me take your bag to the car and then we can head inside!" Logan nodded wordlessly and let Patton take the bag, all he could do was stare after Patton, his heart hammering in his chest. 

When Patton returned they headed into the school and to the gym where the dance was, there were dim colorful lights all around the room, the loud music made Logan feel like it was shaking his bones as he looked around, Patton immediately pulled him in though. "Let's dance!" He said. 

"Patton I'm not a particularly good dancer." Logan protested as he was dragged to the middle of the gym.

"Nonsense! You just jump around and do what you want to the beat! There's no wrong way to dance." Patton gave him a big smile as they reached the floor, some pop song was playing and Patton grabbed Logan's hands, Logan was grateful for the dim lights hiding the way his face turned red, and started jumping up and down with Logan, who held back a smile as he joined him. 

By the end of the song the two teenagers were laughing with each other at their terrible attempt to dance, and then the song shifted to something slow and soft, Logan watched as couples filled the area, starting to slow dance. Before Logan could go Patton pulled him close and out his arms around Logan's shoulders, guiding Logan's hands to hold his waist. If he thought he was red before he was absolutely wrong. 

But together they swayed to the song, Patton leaning his head on Logan's chest eventually, Logan was hoping that Patton couldn't hear how hard his heart was pounding in his chest at their closeness. That's when it clicked into place for Logan.

He loved Patton, he was in love with Patton.

The thought terrified him, he wasn't good with emotions, he couldn't tell Patton, he couldn't handle the emotions involved in a relationship, he was barely able to handle his own emotions, let alone being responsible for keeping another person happy. 

No, Logan couldnt be in love with Patton.

At least that's what he told himself.


	13. The stars welcome him

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Logan and Patton have a few heart to hearts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: brief mention of suicide attempt
> 
> Sorry for the late post! This chapter is a little angst with some fluff so I hope you guys enjoy!

Logan and Patton were sitting on Patton's floor laughing, it was late, they were both still in their suits, and neither of them really knew why they were laughing. 

When the laughing died down, the both of them laid on the floor staring at the ceiling, Patton spoke softly. "Do you think anyone will ever love me as I am Logan?"

"What?" Logan asked, turning his head to look at Patton. 

"I'm… Well I'm not normal, I wasn't born a guy, so do you think anyone will actually want to date me if I dont have the right… Parts?" Logan shook his head and put his elbows on the ground to sit up and look at Patton better, he could see the tears in his eyes. 

"Patton you are perfect in every way, you are a ball of sunshine in everyone's lives, anyone who decides not to love you just because you were born in the wrong body doesn't deserve to have you, you are fine as you are, you are perfect, you should be loved for who you are not who you're supposed to be." Logan watched as the tears began to spill down Patton's cheeks. "You're worth the world Patton, don't forget that, please." Logan moved closer to him and gently wiped the tears from his cheeks.

Logan thought about kissing him, and immediately pushed that thought away, along with Patton as he moved to sit down on the ground. "It's late, we should go to bed Pat." Patton nodded, pulling off his glasses and wiping his eyes before standing. 

"Right." He said. Logan stood and grabbed his bag, heading to the bathroom to change and brush his teeth before he headed back to Patton's room. 

When he walked in Patton had his back to the door and was just starting to pull on his shirt, Logan froze, the idea of walking over and wrapping his arms around Patton's middle, resting his head in the crook of Patton's neck crossed his mind and he shook it away, ignoring his thoughts and sitting his bag down on the floor next to Patton's desk. Patton jumped and quickly pulled the shirt totally on before turning around. 

"You scared me!" He said, wrapping his arms around himself. 

"Sorry, I didn't intend to." Patton let out a small sigh and nodded. 

"I know you didn't, but don't go sneaking up on me like that!" Patton chuckled and gently hit Logan's arm. "Alright, let's head to bed." Logan nodded and they climbed into Patton's bed, curling up together. 

Logan continued to press the thoughts of kissing Patton and the warm feeling of being close to him out of his head.

  
  


***

  
  


Patton was swinging slowly on a swing set as he thought over the events of the past couple days, him and Logan were close, and getting closer, and Patton was trying his best to avoid his romantic feelings for Logan because he didn't want to scare him, he didn't want to try and push anything on him. 

He wasn't sure Logan would even think about him slightly like that, why would he? Patton was nothing special, Patton was just a friend, he was just the weird trans kid, no one would really wanna date him. He let out a sigh and ran a hand through his hair.

Patton couldn't stop thinking about him and Logan in romantic situations though, he couldn't stop thinking about wrapping his arms around Logan's shoulders and pulling him in for a kiss, about cuddling up with him in bed, about kissing him sweetly underneath the stars. He shook his head, attempting to psychically shake the thoughts out of his mind. 

This couldn't happen, no matter how much he wished for it, it couldn't, and it wouldn't, happen. 

Patton wasn't sure if he was happy with that thought or not, but the way it stung his heart he assumed it was the latter. 

  
  


***

  
  


As the two of them sat outside of the school, Patton's head rested on Logan's shoulder, Logan couldn't help but think about how sweet it was, how adorable Patton looked when he was relaxing, how much he loved the way Patton's cheeks were covered with freckles. 

Logan wanted to connect them like the constellations. 

Patton was staring up at the sky, they were sitting in a comfortable silence before Logan broke it. "Hey Patton?" He asked softly, turning to look at him, Patton let out a small hum to show he was listening. "Can I ask you something kind of serious?" Patton looked up at him and nodded silently. "When you tried to kill yourself… Why'd you do it?"

Patton frowned at that, he didn't mind Logan asking but he remembered being asked when he was in the hospital, being expected to have a proper answer, but this was Logan. "I honestly don't know." He said, looking down at the ground. "People expect me to have a proper answer to that, but I honestly don't know, there was so much going through my head in that moment that I just… Did it." Logan nodded, wrapping an arm around Patton and pulling him closer to his side. 

"Its okay, you know? That you don't have a proper answer." Patton nodded, shifting closer to Logan. "I blamed myself." Logan finally said. "For not noticing the signs, for not… I was beating myself up for it, because I should've noticed something was wrong and I didnt… When you were in the hospital I just… I kept wishing it was me, not you. You have so much to live for, and so much to do, and I… Well I don't have much in life." Patton shook his head.

"You have a lot to live for too Logan." Patton sighed. "You're really smart, and you're gonna put a lot of good into the world, I know you are." Logan smiled a little at that. 

"Thank you Pat." Logan leaned his head over to rest on top of Pattons. They fell back into their comfortable silence until they decided they both should head home and stood, Patton gave Logan a huge hug, squeezing him tightly, Logan spent the rest of the night thinking about how Patton felt pressed against his body. 

  
  


***

  
  


Logan was pacing his room, he felt like he needed to tell Patton how he felt, but he didn't even know if Patton liked guys, why would Patton like him anyway? He was just a nerd, a nerd who cant handle his emotions, a nerd who had no friends. 

Logan ran his hands through his hair, adjusting his glasses afterwards, Patton wouldn't love him, there was no way he did. 

But Logan couldn't stop thinking about him, he couldn't stop himself from wanting to kiss him.

  
  


***

  
  


It was starting to warm up again, it had been about a month since the dance and in about two months they would be out of school, it was late, and Logan still wasn't sure how they had ended up where they were, but he and Patton were laying in the grass, Hades at their feet, while they looked up at stars, Logan pointing out constellations to Patton.

Patton was staring at Logans face though, not the stars, committing to memory the way he looked when he talked excitedly about things, he had been dealing with his feelings for Logan for a month now, and he still wasn't sure how to deal with them, he didn't want to scare Logan away with his feelings, and no matter how hard he tried to repress them they kept popping back up. 

Logan glanced over and caught Patton staring, they both went red and turned their faces away.

Logan cleared his throat, looking back up to the sky, out of the corner of his eye he could see the fireflies that were lighting up the yard. "Patton?"

"Yeah Logi?"

"I have a confession to make." Logan said, eyes catching on orion's belt. "Patton I have feelings for you. Romantic ones." Logan closed his eyes and took a shaky breath before continuing. "I've been scared to tell you cause I didn't want to upset you, I want you to know you don't have to reciprocate my feelings, but I wanted to tell you." 

Patton continued to stare up at the stars as well, taking a shaky breath before he spoke. "Logan… For the last month I haven't been able to stop thinking about kissing you. I was scared if I told you I would scare you away and you would never talk to me again." He rolled onto his side, Logan followed shortly after so he could look Patton in the eyes. "I feel the same way, I love you Logan, I want to be your boyfriend, I want you to be my boyfriend." Logan smiled at that, resting a hand on Patton's cheek, who leaned into it. 

"I would really like that Pat." Logan said, watching him for a moment before they both began to lean in, meeting in the middle for a sloppy but sweet kiss. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was really hard to write for some reason, it could have been because of my day but I'm not sure, I'm thinking I may be getting a little burnt out of this story, so I may take a small break and work on the next fic I plan to post? I'm gonna see if I can finish this though because theres honestly not much left in this story!


	14. I'm a little sick

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Patton and Logan have their last day of freshman year, Logan gets in trouble

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: F slur, knifes, mugging, homophobia, homophobic parents, panic attack

Patton was ecstatic, he and Logan had been dating for two months now, and it was now the last day of school and the last day of his freshman year. Patton was basically vibrating the whole day as they went about their classes, not really doing much other than talking and doodling and playing games. 

Logan was just enjoying watching Patton be excited, he didn't really think the day was anything special but Patton was so happy it rubbed off on Logan, just a little.

As soon as the last bell rang Patton was bounding out of his seat, grabbing his bag and then Logan's hand, pulling him out of the school excitedly. "Its summer Logan!" He shouted once they were outside, normally Patton dreaded summer, but now he had a nice family, and a pool, and just in general a good place to be for the summer. 

"Technically summer doesn't start until june 20th." Logan said, adjusting his bag as he walked fast as he could to keep up with Patton's running, for someone with short legs Patton was scarily fast. 

"Come on Logan don't be like that, we're out of school! We can do whatever we want!" Logan let out a small chuckle. 

"We are still limited by many things Patton. I'm getting a summer job for example, so I still won't be able to do anything I want." Patton slowed down and pouted, nudging Logan's shoulder. 

"Yeah but I can pretend." Patton let out a small chuckle, grabbing Logan's hand and starting to walk at the same pace as him, swinging their hands as he went. "We've finished freshman year, we have tons of things to look forward to! Only three more years of high school, and then it's time for college!" Logan gave a small smile, while he knew Patton struggled with some things in school Patton still loved it and the learning. 

"Ah yes, college, I plan to go into psychology, do you know what you want to go into Patton?" Patton bounced on his feet as they approached his home. 

"I wanna go to nursing school, I like helping people." Logan nodded, being a nurse seemed fitting for Patton. 

"That sounds nice." Logan smiled as they walked through the doors to Patton's home, they still had another month for his adoption to be finalized but Patton was already part of their family fully now. 

They immediately headed up to Pattons room, dumping their bags and then pulling each other into a kiss, Logans hands rested on Patton's waist, he smiled against the kiss and pulled Patton closer, letting his legs hit the bed, and then he was falling back, the two of them laughing as Logan laid back on the bed, half hanging off. 

"I love you." Patton said, voice soft. Logan froze, moving to sit up and stare at Patton for a moment, he took a shaky breath and smiled at Patton. 

"I love you too Patton." And then Patton was in his lap and they were kissing again, Logan holding Patton up as he moved to rest his back against the headboard to make Patton sitting in his lap easier. 

Patton pulled away, resting his forehead against Logans. "I love you." He said again. "I love you so much Logan." Logan's hands moved to Pattons hips, smiling softly at him. 

"Patton you mean the world to me." Logan said, voice quiet. "You're my sunshine, you make my darkest days better." Logan pressed a soft kiss to Pattons lips. "I love you." Patton smiled and rested his head against Logans, they stayed there for a while, moving between kissing and just lovingly gazing at each other. 

Patton genuinely was happy with Logan, he meant it when he said he loved him. 

And Logan meant it when he told Patton that he meant the world to him.

  
  


***

  
  


School had been out for two weeks now, Logan and Patton had been going back and forth spending time at Logan's place and Pattons. 

There was a movie playing in the background, but instead of paying attention to it Patton was on Logan's laps, and Logan's hands were sliding up his shirt slightly, rubbing circles on his sides and stomach. 

Thanks to the movie neither of them heard the noise of someone entering the house, not until Logan heard a gasp and quickly pulled back, his hands moving away from Patton like he had been burned, he turned to see his mother staring at them, his face was heating up and Patton quietly slid out of his lap. "What… You… No." She shook her head. "I will not have a gay son." She said, Logan flinched at her words. 

"Mom-."

"No. If this is to continue I want you out of the house. If this is how you're going to live your life than we no longer have a son." Logan couldn't deny the tears that filled his eyes, he had never had his parents around that much but hearing those words, it hurt. Logan stood, and Patton followed him as Logan quickly walked up the stairs to his room. 

"Logan." Patton finally said, grabbing his wrist as they entered his room. 

"No!" Logan snapped, pulling his hand back. "This isn't something that you can talk me down from Patton!" He took a shaky breath. "Go home Patton. I'lll… I'll come see you later I just… I promise I'm not mad at you, I just don't want you to see me like this, okay?" Patton hesitated but nodded, quietly slinking down the stairs and heading home. 

Logan took a shaky breath, balling his hand into a fist and connecting it to the wall, in the same place he had months ago. He pulled his hand back, taking another breath before walking to his closet, grabbing his school bag, it was empty now but he slowly filled it with clothes and things he would need. Before he slung it over his shoulder, body still shaking with rage as he headed back down the stairs. 

"I see you've made your decision then?" His mother said when she saw him with the bag. "I will not have a disgusting fag under my roof. If you decide to change your mind and become who you really were meant to be, you can come back." Logan shook his head, electing to stay quiet and not say anything he would regret later. 

Logan let the humid florida air hit his face as he stepped out of the house, the door slamming shut behind him as he weighed his options. 

He couldn't go to Patton's, not after shoving him away like that, so instead Logan started walking, trying to find a nice well lit area to settle down for the night. 

He guessed this was his life now, at least until he found somewhere else to stay. 

  
  


***

  
  


Patton paced his room, the bright colors and happy posters feeling out of place for how he was feeling at that moment. His mind was racing, where was Logan going to go? Surely he knew he was accepted here, Brian and Greg loved Logan, surely they wouldn't mind Logan staying? Patton wasn't sure, he was sure though that this was bad.

He couldn't help thinking it was his fault, tears finally spilled down his cheeks at that thought, he should've been more careful, he should've been paying attention, he should've heard the door open. He took a shaky breath, hands shaking as he ran them through his hair, this was bad. 

Next thing he knew his breathing was picking up, his hands moved from his hair to his chest as it heaved, trying to breath despite the crushing feeling in his chest, he didn't even realize he was hyperventilating until Greg was in front of him, hands on his shoulders. "Patton, Patton honey breathe. Deep breaths." Patton shook his head. 

"C-can't, can't breathe." Patton choked out as more tears spilled down his cheeks. 

"You can, I promise Patton, come on, breathe with me." Greg grabbed one of Patton's hands, moving it to his chest, breathing deeply. Patton followed his breathing until he calmed down, his hands were still shaking terribly, tears still streaming down his cheeks, but at least he wasn't hyperventilating anymore. "What's up kid?" Greg asked once he calmed down, leading Patton to sit down on his bed. 

"I…" Patton looked at his lap, taking off his glasses to wipe his eyes. "Me and Logan got caught kissing by his mom and she… She told him she wouldnt have a gay son and told him to leave. I… I tried to talk to him and he just told me to leave, I don't… He's by himself, I don't know where he's gonna go or where he is and he wouldn't just  _ talk _ to me and I dont… I dont know what to do." Greg nodded, putting a hand on Patton's shoulder. 

"Well, I can say sadly things like that happen, it's not your fault okay? We can't control what Logan does but I do hope he knows he's welcome here. I promise he's gonna be okay. Okay?" Patton nodded, still staring at his lap. "Logans gonna be okay. If he doesn't show up in a few days we'll go and find him." Patton wiped his eyes again, putting his glasses on. 

"Okay…" Greg pulled Patton into a hug, rubbing his back. 

"It's gonna be okay kid, I promise. Everything's gonna be okay." 

Patton could only hope so.

  
  


***

  
  


Logan shifted his bag on his shoulder, he didn't like being out so late, it was something he always dissuaded Patton from doing, but here he was, alone, the sky getting darker and darker as it got later. Logan looked down at his watch, it was almost midnight and he had just been wandering around, not sure what to do.

He couldn't go to Pattons, not after he shoved him away, Patton was probably upset with him. He let out a sigh, looking around, he had a few options in the area he was in, there was a bus stop, an alley, and an abandoned house. He sighed, an alley he wouldn't be messed with, the other two he could get in trouble for. So he sat with his back to the brick of the alley, his bag resting next to him, he let out a sigh, leaning his head back to rest against the brick. 

He wasn't sure what he was gonna do from here, things weren't great, he didn't have anywhere to go, he wasn't sure what he was gonna do, he didn't know how he should handle a situation like this.

He put his bag in his lap, holding it close to himself as he started to drift off uncomfortably, he could better assess the situation in the morning.

  
  


***

  
  


When Logan woke up it was far too early, but the sun was hitting his eyes enough to wake him, so he let out a small sigh and shifted himself, cracking his neck as he moved to stand, his back was stiff and he let out a sigh, pulling his bag over his shoulder. He was lucky to have his summer job, which meant he had some money, so he took that to his advantage as he walked around to find a gas station, somewhere he could buy some water and food to keep in his bag. 

He eventually found one, trying his best not to spend too much as he grabbed a few granola bars and water bottles, once he had those he slid them into his bag, keeping one granola bar out. He would be fine, he could do this. 

He just needed to figure out what to do, because he couldn't do this forever, he especially couldnt when school started. He let out a sigh, he could push that thought away for later.

For now he was focusing on finding somewhere cool to spend the afternoon. 

  
  


***

  
  


Logan had been on his own for a week, he wanted to go to Patton, he wanted to hug him and apologize but the longer he waited to do it the more he felt like Patton wouldn't accept his apology, but he missed his boyfriend more than anything, he missed his lips, and his smile, and the way he laughed. Logan let out a sigh as he settled against the wall of the alley for the night. He had been staying in the same one since that first night, he was glad to have work, he knew he looked like a mess when he showed up, he knew he looked like a mess in general, not nearly as put together as he usually was.

He wasn't paying attention to his surroundings, so next thing he knew an arm was grabbing him and pulling him up, causing him to drop his bag, the grip on his arm was tight enough to leave bruises. He was shoved against the wall, he was starting to panic as he felt cold metal pressed to his chest. "What do you have little nerd." Logan was doing his best to stay calm, taking a shaky breath. 

"Clothes, and food, and water." He said, voice shaking. "I don't have any money if that's what you want, please." That was partially a lie, he had enough to get into the public pool that he had been using the showers of, but he couldn't give that up, it wasn't even that much anyway.

The guy scoffed. "Nothing else huh?" He growled, pressing the knife closer to his chest. "You better not be lying." He growled, dropping Logan. "Dont fucking move." Logan nodded shakily as the guy grabbed his bag, rooting around it. Logan watched as he took all his food and water, as well as one of his shirts. He grinned, dropping the bag and letting the rest of the contents spill out. "Guess you weren't lying nerd." He grabbed Logan again, shoving him against the wall, pressing the knife to his wrist, Logan felt like his body was on fire, memories of him hurting himself flashed through his mind and then the stinging was there of his wrist being cut, he let out a small whimper, and then he was dropped, knees giving out underneath him as he fell to the ground, wrist bleeding excessively. 

And when Logan looked up the random stranger was gone. He scrambled to collect his things into his bag when he heard someone else approaching. He pulled his bag close and held his bloody wrist to his chest, but it was just a teenager, and then said teenager looked over at him and gasped, rushing over. "Oh my god!" He shouted, he wore thin rimmed glasses, and even in the darkness Logan could see the bright pink shirt he was wearing. "Come on, come with me." He helped Logan stand, wrapping an arm around his shoulder. 

They didn't walk for long when they came to a building, it didn't look like anything, it was simply a grey building with two glass doors, when they approached them Logan noticed the writing on the doors. 'Rainbow House' was written in rainbow lettering, Logan glanced at the boy who helped him inside. The receptionist looked up upon hearing the door open and let out a gasp at Logan, he wasn't the worst she had seen come through the doors but the blood on his shirt and the way he was holding his wrist is what got her.

She quickly rushed over to the two of them. "Emile take his bag, I'm gonna go get him bandaged up okay?" Logan looked at the boy who had been helping him, taking in his curly brown hair that bounced when he nodded and took Logans bag, Logan was starting to feel dizzy, and sick, he wasn't sure if it was from the bad cut or from the sleep deprivation, but he felt awful, and the bright lights didn't feel good, he leaned against the lady as she helped him to a back room, he wasn't paying much attention to the rooms or the building as he was sat down somewhere. 

"Sweetie can I see your arm?" Logan barely registered the words but once they clicked in his mind he held his arm out, the sticky blood had pooled through his shirt and felt cold against his chest. Before long his wrist was bandaged, the thought crossed his mind that he was glad he didn't need stitches but it was gone before he even registered it. "Can you tell me your name?"

"Logan." His voice was scratchy, he took a shaky breath, looking down at his bandaged wrist, he knew there were old scars under there as well. 

"Well Logan, I'm Dana. Did you do that to yourself?" Logan shook his head, his mind was still reeling, his head was starting to feel heavy. 

"No I… I got mugged and…" Logan put a hand to his head as it throbbed. 

"Okay sweetie, it's okay. Let's get you to a bed and you can get some rest and we'll talk tomorrow okay?" Logan nodded, stumbling slightly when he stood, Dana reached out a hand and grabbed his arm, moving it to be over her shoulders as she helped him to an empty room, she helped him crawl into bed, pulling the blanket over him. "Get some rest sweetheart." Logan nodded, his eyes fluttering shut easily. 

  
  


***

  
  


The next morning Logan slowly sat up, head spinning, he put a hand to his head, letting out a small groan. It took him a moment to realize where he was, and to remember the events of the night before. 

When he did he slowly stood, looking around the room, it was pretty bare, he let out a sigh, he noticed his bag at the foot of the bed and walked over to it, pulling out a clean shirt and stripping off his current one, wincing as the dried blood pulled away from his skin. He pulled the shirt on, letting out a small sigh as he left the room. 

He found the receptionist from the night before after some searching. "Oh, good morning." Dana said when she saw him. "How are you feeling sweetie?" Logan shifted. 

"I'm okay, I guess." Logan shrugged, he wished he had Patton there to help him with his emotions. 

"Well let me show you around, and then we can talk a little." Logan nodded and followed Dana as she showed him around the building, pointing out the legal and the counselors offices, showing him where the bathroom and showers were, as well as the main room, where there were plenty of kids hanging out, as well as tons of things to do. "Alright, let's head to the counselors office okay? I need you to speak with Kenny for a bit, just so we can get a feel for your situation okay?" Logan nodded as she led him to the office, knocking on the open door. 

The guy behind the desk looked up, smiling at the two of them. "Hey there, come on in." Dana headed into the office, Logan following behind. 

"I'll leave you two to it okay? Logan, sweetie, welcome to the family." Logan nodded, not sure what to say as Dana left, shutting the door behind her. 

"I'm Kenny, I take it your name is Logan?" Logan nodded again, picking at his jeans. "Well nice to meet you. Care to tell me how you ended up here?"

Logan started speaking before he could stop himself, spilling about his and Patton's relationship, his mother walking in on him, the things he had been through in the last week, he didn't even realize he was crying until he was done.

"There's a lot to unpack there Logan." Kenny said, shifting in his seat. "But for now I'm gonna tell you you're safe, you're loved, and you're welcome here. I think you should make a visit to Patton as soon as possible and let him know you're okay, and then you can come back and we can discuss things in more detail later, okay?" Logan nodded, wiping his eyes under his glasses as Kenny stood. Logan followed and headed to the door. "It's gonna be okay Logan, I promise." Logan nodded, stepping out of the room. 

He took a shaky breath, he really did need to go see Patton, he couldn't even imagine how he was feeling. Now that he head was more clear he decided that's what he would do. He waved at Dana as he left the building, heading for Patton's home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Of course I would come back with some heavy angst, I hope you guys like this chapter! Theres been a lot going on in my life right now, I'm able to write some but not nearly as much as I was when I was writing misguided, however if anyone's interested I did post a new short story for misguided and I am working on a intrulogical story called Sloppy seconds! 
> 
> I have a few more fics in the work, a long one shot analogical soulmate au, a song based moxiety one shot (that's starting to become quite long... I may spilt this one into parts), and another short story for this series! I'm working on a ton of things in the background so I hope you guys are patient with me while I work on these projects and this story. I may not be updating super often with this story for the time being but I'm glad to jump back into it with fresh eyes and a fresh mind!
> 
> Sorry for the ramble, I hope you guys enjoyed the chapter and I'll see you in the next one!


	15. Get us out of here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Patton searches for Logan, Logan finally sees Patton

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is kind of short but it felt like the right place to leave it! 
> 
> Is angsty fluff a thing? Because I think this is angsty fluff

It had been two days since the incident with Logan's mom, and Logan hadn't shown up, or called, or anything, so Patton had begun to panic, Greg and Brian helped calm him and they began to search for Logan, driving around town looking for him, contacting homeless shelters, but nothing, they couldn't find Logan anywhere. 

Patton was heartbroken, what if Logan was dead? The last moment he shared with him wasn't something he wanted Logan to die thinking about, did Logan know that Patton loved him? Oh god, it was his parents all over again. Patton hadn't even realized he was pacing and crying, just like he had that fateful night, until strong arms were holding him to their chest, running hands through his curly hair. 

Patton came back to reality, they had stopped for the night, they had looked around just a little bit longer after it had gotten dark but still found nothing and decided to return home for the night, Patton wasn't doing too good, he looked up at Brian who was holding him. "Do you wanna come eat dinner kid? I think it'll be good to get something in your stomach." Patton shook his head. 

"No I… I'm gonna go to bed." Brian nodded sadly at that. 

"Alright, let us know if you need us okay? Get some rest. We'll do some more searching tomorrow." Patton nodded and silently headed up to his room.

Try as he might he didn't sleep that night.

  
  


***

  
  


Patton didn't sleep much over the week, they couldn't find Logan and while Patton insisted they didn't give up Brian and Greg had told him they needed to stop, they needed to either contact authorities or give Logan some more time to come to them. They decided to give it another day or two before they contacted police, they didn't wanna have to bring Logan's parents into it, even though they probably wouldn't care.

Patton wasn't satisfied with this once they told him at lunch (which Patton had pushed around his plate and barely touched, much like the last few days). "No!" He didn't know where the anger inside him came from, but he couldn't accept that. "We can't stop looking for him! He could be hurt! Or worse!" 

Pattons hands hit the table and he stood. "He's not something that can just be thrown away. I'm not giving up on him this easily! He's my boyfriend and I love him and-." Patton cut himself off with a sob, putting a hand over his mouth and collapsing back into his chair. Greg stopped Brian from rushing over and gave Patton a moment to cry before speaking. 

"We aren't saying to give up Pat." Greg finally spoke when Patton's sobs turned to tiny hiccups. "We've done as much as we can right now. If he doesn't show up soon we have to pass the job onto professionals, people who can find him easier than we can." Patton shook his head, the tears slowly pooling down his cheeks, shoulders shaking with held back sobs. 

"What if he's dead? What if he's dead and the last interaction we had was him being kicked out because of me?" Patton was spiraling and suddenly there was a hand on his shoulder, and Brian was kneeling in front of him, getting his breathing under control. 

"That's worse case scenario okay kid?" Patton slowly nodded. "I promise, I can't promise that he's safe, but I promise that we will do our best to find him." Patton nodded.

After he calmed down some more he moved to the couch, wrapping up in a blanket, he was just sitting there staring at the tv that was playing some random reality show when there was a small knock on the door. 

Patton stood, holding the blanket tight around himself as he walked to the door, he wiped his eyes fruitlessly, the tears not stopping as he opened the door, he froze at what he saw though. 

Logan was standing there, his hair was a mess and his shirt was a bit of a wrinkled mess, he had dark circles under his eyes and Pattons eyes caught on the bandage that seemed to be slightly bloody on his wrist. 

Patton couldn't help the loud sob that left his throat before he threw himself at Logan, who quickly wrapped his arms around Patton and held him close, Patton could feel Logan shaking as well, but he could barely focus on that as sobs wracked his body. 

Patton wasn't even sure how long they stood there in the doorway before Greg and Brian found them, but they were both ushered over to the couch, another blanket put around Logan as the two teenagers refused to let go of each other.

Patton honestly wasn't sure how much time passed before he pulled away, looking up at Logan, putting his hands on his cheeks and pulling him into a soft passionate kiss. When he pulled back he wiped tears from Logans cheeks. "I love you." He said, voice cracking. "I love you so much Logan, so much. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Please never forget that, I love you." Tears began to flow down Logans cheeks again and he pulled Patton into another kiss. 

"I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry." Logan cried once he pulled away. "I love you so much. I'm sorry." Patton shook his head but Logan continued. "I shouldn't have snapped at you, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it, I love you." Patton shook his head again. 

"You don't have to apologize, it's okay Logi." Patton gave him a small smile, putting his hands back onto Logan's cheeks, but then he looked down at Logan's arms, slowly moving his hands from the other boy's face to grab his hand and look at his bandaged wrist. 

"I didn't do it." Logan said quickly at Pattons concerned look. "I…" Logan took a shaky breath. "I was staying on the streets, by myself, and I got… I got mugged and the person did this, and then another teen found me and took me to a place called rainbow house." Patton slowly nodded and that's when Greg spoke up. 

"When did this happen Logan?" He asked softly, he knew they had called rainbow house while searching for Logan and no one matching his description had been there. 

"Last night…" Logan trailed off, looking over to the two husbands who looked distressed, but relieved. 

"Are you safe?" Patton asked, eyes filling with tears again as he looked at Logan. 

"I am now. I'm sorry for not coming sooner I just… I snapped at you and I didnt think that… I thought you didn't wanna see me." Patton immediately shook his head. 

"Of course not! I love you so much Logan, you didn't mess anything up I know you were stressed and… It's okay Logan. It's okay. I'm just glad that you're okay." Logan rested his head against Pattons, taking a shaky breath. 

"Logan do you want anything to eat?" Brian spoke up, Logan looked over at them, still holding Patton close. 

"Something to eat would be… Nice. Thank you." Brian nodded, standing and heading to the kitchen, leaving Greg with the two teenagers who seemed to be trying their best to touch each other everywhere they could reach.

Logan had a hard time eating the sandwich that Brian made him with Patton wrapped around him, but after that the two adults left Logan and Patton to cuddle on the couch together, the two not having much energy to move anywhere else as they wrapped around each other, sharing small kisses between each other as they spent the time together.

  
  


***

  
  


When the evening rolled around Patton and Logan finally separated themselves from each other to go sit at the table for dinner. Brian and Greg were so excited to see Patton actually eat a full meal, something he hadn't done the whole week, however Logan could barely eat anything, he hadn't eaten more than a granola bar a day in the past week, so he couldn't stomach much, but he was grateful for the meal. 

"Do you want a ride back to rainbow house Logan?" Greg asked as Brian gathered the dishes. 

"Can he stay?" Patton asked quickly, he had been holding Logans hand and clearly wasn't ready for the other to leave his side. 

"Logan?" Greg asked, looking at him. "Would you like to stay?" Logan looked down at Patton, he wanted to stay, he really did but he was scared that Patton still wasn't happy about being with him, despite the time they had spent wrapped together all afternoon. 

"Logan. You don't have to. But you know I love you, I'm not upset with you." It was almost as if Patton could read his mind, Logan nodded after that. 

"I'd… I'd love to stay if I was welcome to." Logan finally said, looking over at Greg who nodded. 

"Of course Logan, you're always welcome here." Logan gave a small smile and nodded. He and Patton excused themselves and headed to Pattons bedroom, Patton changed and gave Logan some spare clothes, they then cuddled up in Patton's bed, Logan pressed his head against Pattons. "I love you." He whispered, Patton snuggled closer to him, and Logan could feel his shoulders shaking. 

"I love you too Logan, so much." Patton choked back a sob as he tried to press himself more into Logan. Logan held him close as he could, pressing a soft kiss to his head as he tried his best to hold back his own tears. 

They stayed there until they both dozed off, wrapped tightly around each other, dried tears streaking their cheeks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm already halfway through the next chapter, also keep an eye out because I'm about to spell check and post a new short story! Its angst will probably make up for the lack of angst in this chapter haha


	16. The stress of falling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Logan talks to Kenny, Patton has a nightmare

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there! I realized I haven't really been doing content warnings for this fic! I've been doing them for my others and as I went to upload this chapter I realized I havent for other chapters so I'm gonna go back and edit those to add some content warnings for those who may need them!
> 
> CW: talks of self-harm, graphic nightmares, character death (just in a dream, not reality), blood, gore, knife violence

The next morning Logan awoke to the afternoon sun shining over him and Patton, he wasn't sure he had gotten this much sleep in the last week, and from the looks of it Patton hadn't either. He shifted slightly, looking down at his wrist, he frowned, since he had woken the day before he had felt an itch, a tingle, in his thigh, all he could think was that he needed to cut himself, he needed to release the tension and scratch that itch and-

Logan's breath hitched and he stopped himself from thinking further, he instead focused on Patton in his arms, on the scent of his hair, the feeling of him against his chest. Logan closed his eyes and just breathed in Patton's scent, he couldn't pinpoint exactly what Patton smelt like, but he knew that his hair often smelled of strawberries, probably a scented shampoo.

Patton stirred in his arms and yawned, looking up at Logan and smiling sleepily at Logan. "Morning baby." He said, yawning again.

"Morning Pat." Logan said, pressing a kiss to the top of his head, which caused Patton to smile even more.

"What time is it?" Patton asked, looking at the afternoon light. Logan checked his watch and pressed a kiss to Pattons temple.

"It's twelve forty two, we slept in quite a bit." Logan said, pulling Patton closer to him. "I wouldn't be opposed to staying in bed a little longer…" Logan trailed off, looking down at Patton who gave him a small, cuddling up to him again.

"I'd really like that…"

  
  


***

  
  


After the two of them had lunch Logan reluctantly decided to head back to rainbow house, he wanted to speak with Kenny again about the aching, the itching, he was feeling on his body.

As he walked through the door Dana happily greeted him, he gave her a smile and a wave before heading off to Kenny's office, knocking on the open door. Kenny looked up and gave him a smile. "Hey there Logan! Come on in, how are you doing?" Logan shut the door behind him as he sat down, looking down at his lap as he tried to choose his words.

"I'm… Good I think?" Logan shrugged. "I went to see Patton, everything went well, he's… He's not mad at me like I thought he was, I stayed with him last night." Logan picked at his pants, frowning slightly as he tried to think about the phrasing. "There was something specific I wanted to talk about." He said, looking up at Kenny who was watching him with soft and non judging eyes. "I used to self harm, it was pretty bad and then Patton helped me a lot in stopping. I haven't done… That in a while but… Since the attacker cut my wrist I've… I cut my thighs and wrist in the past, and it's like my thighs are on fire, they itch and ache and I just… I wanna cut to get that relief, it's like somewhere in my mind I know that the feeling will go away if I just give in but I… I don't want to!"

Kenny nodded, giving Logan a moment in case he wanted to say more, when he didn't he started to speak. "That's actually quite common when people who used to self harm encounter a trigger, for some it can be something as simple as brushing their leg against things, or a cat scratch, in your case it was something much worse, but those triggers can happen, and they will happen, what you need to learn is how to properly cope with them. So why don't we go over a safety plan for when you feel like you want to cut, and then go through a few coping skills and grounding exercises that you can use to help that feeling go away."

Logan nodded, taking in the information he was given. "That would be nice." He and Kenny went over what Logan should do should he face a crisis, as well as some coping mechanisms for him to use when he felt like he needed to cut. Logan left the room feeling a lot better about everything, knowing he had things in place, and knowing that the aching wasn't something wrong.

  
  


***

  
  


_Patton looked around the area he was in, it was an alley, it was dark and the only light was from a street lamp not too far away, Patton looked around, eyes landing on Logan sat curled up on the ground. "Logan!" He called out, stepping towards him. Logan didn't react, causing Patton to frown. "Logan?" He stepped closer, and then a man stepped in front of his view of Logan, grabbing him and shoving him against the brick wall, hand around his throat._

_Patton gasped, he wanted to move, he wanted to pull the man off of Logan but he couldn't, he couldn't move, he could only watch on in horror as the man choked Logan, could only watch as he dropped him to the ground and shuffled through Logans bag, dropping it to the ground and then grabbing Logan again, shoving him against the wall._

_Patton was crying, tears pouring down his cheeks as he watched the man pull out a long knife, flicking it open. "No!" He shouted. "Logan please!" He could only watch in horror as the man lifted the knife to Logan's throat, slashing it open. Patton let out a choked scream, falling to his knees as he watched blood pour out of Logan's neck as he fell to the ground. "Logan!" He shouted as the man ran away, he could finally move, and he rushed to Logan's side, picking up his head and resting it in his lap, putting his hands over the cut._

_"Logan please. No Logan." His body shook as he tried to stop the bleeding, only succeeding in covering his hands with blood. "Logan… Please god no." He looked down at him, tears slipping down his cheeks as he pressed a hand to Logan's cheek. "I love you!" He cried out, pressing his forehead to Logans and ignoring the blood he was covered in. "I love you so much. So much Logan please. Please wake up!"_

_Logan's eyes shot open and he stared up at Patton, who let out a cry. "Wake up." Logan said, choking on his own blood._

_"What?" Patton asked, tears sliding down his cheeks, he was terrified._

_"Wake up. You're safe." Patton shook his head, eyes starting to blur as Logan spoke, his throat gushing as he did. "Wake up!" He shouted._

  
  


***

  
  


Patton shot up in bed, tears were pouring down his cheeks as he took short, erratic, breaths. He pressed a hand to his chest. It was a dream, it was just a dream. He tried to tell himself, but it had all felt so real. He choked back a sob and then felt a hand on his back, he jumped and looked over to see Greg and Brian beside him. "You're safe baby, it's okay." Greg said, wrapping his arms around Patton as he sobbed.

Brian rubbed Patton's back as Greg comforted him. "We're right here, its okay." He said softly, running a hand through Patton's hair. Patton let out a choked sob, pressing his face into Greg's shoulder.

"It's okay, cry it out, we're right here, it's okay."

It was a while before Patton finally calmed, Brian pulled his hand away. "Do you wanna talk about it kid?" Patton shook his head.

"Can I…" Patton looked down at his lap. "Can I sleep with you two tonight?" Greg smiled at him.

"Of course you can." Greg said, standing and holding his hand out for Patton. "Come on kiddo, let's go to bed." Patton wiped his eyes and stood, following his dads to their bedroom and settling into bed between the two of them.

It took awhile but eventually he fell asleep between them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading guys! 
> 
> I'm gonna plug some things here cause I havent plugged them and I used to leave them at the end of all of my fics!
> 
> My tumblr: frenchfryfriendship  
> My sanders sides tumblr: count-woelaf  
> Me and a few friends just started a discord! This is supposed to be a safe drama free environment so I hope you guys can join and we can chat some more!  
> https://discord.gg/VesZcAe


	17. Too many colors

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> School begins again, Patton has a bad day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cw: nightmares, knife violence, depression, nonverbal character, self deprecating thoughts

School was back in full swing, Patton and Logan were doing great, Logan was recovering and learning more about himself every day, now that he was surrounded by people who actually loved him, the boy who had rescued him was named Emile, he quickly became friends with both Logan and Patton.

Oftentimes while he and Patton spoke happily to each other about cartoons Logan would silently wonder how he ended up with two friends who were nothing like him, how he ended up with two friends who cared so much about him. 

When his father uprooted his family to move them to Florida Logan never expected this to be what happened, he never expected to meet someone like Patton, someone who was such a ball of sunshine and refused to leave Logan alone when he could tell that Logan needed a friend. 

Logan, Patton, and Emile were sitting outside of the school, Pattons arm was around Logan, and despite their height difference Logan was the one leaning on Patton, as his boyfriend and his, now, best friend, spoke to each other, he just listened to them talk, soaking up the affection from Patton, soaking up the joy of spending time with the two most important people in his life. 

It finally got late enough that the three of them decided it was time to head home. They stood and stretched, Logan and Patton waved Emile off as the two of them headed towards Patton's home. 

"I love you." Logan said, breaking the comfortable silence they had been walking in. Patton gave Logan's hand a wide swing and smiled at him. 

"I love you too Logie!" He pressed a kiss to Logans cheek, smirking at the slight blush that covered Logans cheeks. The two of them pushed open the door to Patton's home, smiling as they kicked off their shoes and headed up to Pattons bedroom, laying down together, Patton had his arms around Logan, holding him close to his chest. "I really mean it when I say I love you baby." Patton said, kissing the top of his head. "You mean the world to me."

Logan nuzzled closer to Pattons chest, smiling softly. "I love you too. You're the best thing to happen to me Pat." Patton gave a small chuckle as that, trying to pull the boy who was definitely as close as he was gonna get, closer. 

They stayed laying like that for a while, eventually the two of them dozing off together. 

  
  


***

  
  


_ Tears streamed down Patton's cheeks as he stared at his parents, both sets of them. _

_ Greg, Brian, and his mom and dad were tied to chairs back to back in front of him. His arms were tied above his head and there was a piece of cloth in his mouth, he was letting out silent sobs as a masked man came into the room, a knife glinting in the dim light.  _

_ Patton tried to scream, he thrashed about and cried as his parents stared at him, as the guy slowly got closer and close to them, they didn't seem to even react as the mask assailant got closer to them, pressing the knife to each chest, before sinking it into his moms.  _

_ He let out a strangled cry, thrashing against his restraints as best he could, tears pouring down his cheeks.  _

  
  


***

  
  


Patton sat up with a start, Logan was sitting over him, hands on his shoulders. "Shh, it's okay Patton." Patton took shaky breaths, finally looking over at Logan and wrapping his arms around him, he glanced around his room after a moment, it was dark, they had clearly accidentally slept through dinner, he glanced at his clock and saw the time, 11:48. He took a shaky breath and quickly stood. "Patton?"

"I have to check on them." Patton said, not bothering to grab his glasses and blindly walking down the hall, he gently pushed his parents door open, walking over to the bed silently, letting out a small sigh when he saw their chests moving up and down, they were alive, and breathing, and okay. 

Patton, satisfied with his findings, headed back to his bed, crawling into it with Logan who immediately pulled Patton to his chest, Patton snuggled up to him, taking a shaky breath as he started to doze off again. He was okay, Logan was safe, his parents were safe. 

  
  


***

  
  


As much as Patton liked to pretend things were okay they weren't, he and Logan's relationship was perfect, his friend group was amazing, but Patton couldn't help but feel he didn't belong, on top of that he continued to have nightmares, they were getting worse and worse, they were now nightly and sometimes he would wake up and be okay, able to go back to sleep, sometimes he would scream so loud that Greg and Brian came to check on him, other times he sought them out himself. 

This particular day he was still laid in bed, his alarm had already gone off, he was awake, but he couldn't find it in him to move the blankets off himself, he couldn't find it in himself to care about that fact either. 

It was another ten minutes before Greg knocked on his door. "Hey Pat, you've gotta get ready for school don't you?" Patton shrugged, he didn't want to talk. "Ah I see." Greg walked over, Patton shifted slightly to give him room to sit on the edge of the bed. "You wanna stay home today?" Patton thought about it, he wasn't struggling too bad with school, one day surely couldn't hurt him to miss. After a moment of consideration he nodded and Greg ruffled his mess of hair. "Alright, I'm gonna go call the school then, you rest up."

Greg stood and Patton curled in on himself, he felt tired but he couldn't sleep, he heard Greg and Brian leave for work, leaving him alone curled up in his bed. 

Memories flooded his mind of the last time he stayed in bed like this, of the last time he was left alone like this. However he didn't feel like hurting himself, that wasn't it. 

He just didn't have the motivation to move, to get up and face the world. He rolled over onto his side, letting out a small sigh. 

He wanted Logan. As soon as the thought crossed his mind his eyes filled with tears. Why did Logan even like him? He was weird, and annoying, he didn't have the right parts. 

Patton wiped his eyes, curling up tighter. Why did Logan stay with him despite his problems? Patton was eventually full on sobbing as the voice in his head continued to chastise him, telling him that Logan shouldn't be with him, telling him all the reasons he was a mess and failure.

Why was he like this?

  
  


***

  
  


When Patton didn't show up for school Logan couldn't hide his worry and disappointment. However at lunch Emile assured him that Patton was probably just sick, it still didn't ease Logan's uneasiness. 

So right after school Logan apologized for skipping their sitting conversation, and headed towards Patton's home. 

When he knocked on the door there was no response, Logan frowned, Greg and Brian must not be home from work yet. Logan took a chance and turned the door knob, finding it unlocked. 

He kicked his shoes off before heading towards Patton's room, and as he approached he could hear sobs. Logan's heart broke as he slowly pushed open Patton's door, finding a ball of blankets, shaking with sobs. "Patton?" Logan asked softly, he stepped closer to the form, gently pressing a hand to his back, Patton immediately moved away from it so Logan pulled his hand back. 

"What's going on Pat?" Logan asked, gently sitting on the edge of the bed. When Patton didnt respond Logan instead decided to lay down, he wrapped his arms around the mass of blankets and pulled him close, just holding him until he slowly calmed slightly, moving the blankets so Logan was under them with him. 

Logan wrapped his arms around him, pulling him close to his chest, pressing a kiss to the back of his head. "I've got you Pattoncake." He said softly. "I've got you." Patton rolled over to press his face against Logan's neck, his breath sending shivers down Logan's spine but he rubbed his back as the smaller boy rested against him. 

It was a long while before Patton finally calmed fully, he was still shaking slightly but he was no longer crying, he was instead just resting against Logan's chest. Logan continued to gently rub Patton's back, whispering words of affection to him, whispering words of support, and love, anything to try and make his love happy. 

Patton eventually stopped shaking, clinging tightly to Logan's shirt. "Have you eaten sweetie?" Patton shook his head against Logan's chest. "Come on, let's get you something to eat, it'll make you feel a bit better, especially after crying." Patton nodded and for the first time that day Patton slipped out of bed, grabbing his glasses.

He stayed right next to Logan, holding his hand as they headed to the kitchen. Logan searched around for a bit, making Patton a bowl of cereal and a glass of water, he sat down next to Patton, who immediately grabbed Logan's hand, drinking and eating with the other. Once that was done Logan put the dishes into the sink, wrapping his arms around Patton. "Come on, let's sit down and watch a movie okay?" Patton nodded and the two of them moved to the couch, Patton cuddled up to Logan's side, Logan running his fingers through curly, knotted, hair. 

Patton stayed like that for a while, Logan having put on some disney movie for him, it seemed to mostly be background noise though as Patton stared off into nothingness. Logan just let him, he needed time, and Logan knew that. 

Patton startled when the front door opened, Logan glanced over to see Greg coming into the house. He looked at the two of them and gave them a small smile.

Greg was incredibly happy that Patton had Logan, ever since he met the two he knew that they were good for each other, he knew that Logan was a great person. 

He walked over to the two, kneeling in front of Patton. "Hey there kid." He said, giving him a smile. "You feeling any better?" Patton shrugged and Greg nodded to that. "Alright, I'm gonna make dinner okay? Logan you're free to stay as long as you'd like tonight."

"Thank you." Logan said, adjusting his glasses and looking down at Patton laying on his chest. Greg pressed a kiss to Pattons forehead before he stood and walked off. 

Logan ended up staying the night, and the next morning Patton was clearly feeling better. 

  
  


***

  
  


Logan rolled over in his bed, he was having trouble sleeping, things had been going good, Patton was still dealing with nightmares and had a bad day every now and then but things were going well between them. 

But Logan couldn't shake the feeling something was wrong, he couldn't shake the feeling that there was something he was missing. 

He ran a hand through his hair before finally grabbing his glasses and standing, heading to the main area of rainbow house, he found a book on one of the many bookshelves and got himself settled on the couch to read, he needed a distraction. 

Dana found him sound asleep with the book half read on his chest when she did her morning rounds of the building. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can you guys tell I love projecting onto Patton?
> 
> Anyway themeepbox on Instagram made fanart for misguided! I literally cried when I received it so please look at it I love it so much and I'm *this* close to setting it as my lock screen
> 
> https://www.instagram.com/p/CCgjFfjgKf1/?igshid=ypihvui7yz2y

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome back here we are!! The prequel to Misguided, I hope you all enjoy it!


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